I know you have a tough life, what with your demanding job as well, but honestly, you just need to be strong and get back into it.
It really will feel better when you're getting things back on track.
You DO have what it takes to do this, and stick at it, you just need to use your Head and Heart, to help you keep believing in yourself.
You're not a loser, a failure or second best, you're YOU, and from recollections, being you is the absolute best thing about you. The person you are is something to be proud of, from a "human" perspective, as you are very human, and you can trust me when I tell you, you're capable of so much, because I would never B.S. someone in an instance like this, and say something they wanted to hear unless it was true.
The power of YOU is a quite remarkable thing. The answers are in your head, and you can be capable of so much, so don't get down on yourself okay, and if needs be, please, please do come here more often.
You have always been a great respecter of this site and it's members. You are one of us, and you have earned the right to our support, care and attention as much as you want or need it.
We DO want you to do well, not because it makes us look good, but because it makes you look and feel good about you. I believe we all as people come here to do this freely for others, not for any kudos or bragging rights, about how we helped give someone a better life, so this is not a for us thing, it's a for you thing, and we would be happy to have you here some more, if the ability to do so was there
.
Remember to do this for YOU though, not for anyone else. Don't do it to impress friends, family or partner, do it because you want to improve your chances, of some of them having you in their lives for longer, and because you want a greater emotional connection with your body, for many years to come and also keep doing this because
you are worth it.
You are worth every ounce of effort and time needed to be the ultimate you. You deserve to feel amazing about yourself, and feel like you can be eternally proud of how you achieved something great.
Look at those looks of yours. You deserve a body to match that face, but unless you start to realise, that partial effort and self inflicted emotional punishment, do little to improve what you started, you will forever be in a cycle of mild self abuse, that will always be a controlling and haunting spectre in your life, where you never feel good enough, or never feel like you deserve to feel.
As I say, we are here for you, but the less time you share with us, that you could be sharing, the less we can be here for you, and we want people like you to have solid achievement, for YOU, not us, because when you succeed and feel good, the rest of us all get a small positive out of it, knowing someone we like and care about, did something great and sustained it for the long term.
Look on this site, and when you look hard enough, you read about people pushing though tough stuff, like Chronic illness, battling back from surgery, and other things that could emotionally damage a person for life, but they still do what they do, even on days when they feel like they're running on 50% or less, they do they're thing more often than not.
The support, inspiration, and warmth is all yours, and another weaopn in your fight to succeed. However you are the ultimate weapon in your fight to succeed, because you DO have all that it takes to do this, it's just how badly you want it, and how you visualise and come to terms with all it means and it can do for the rest of your life, that matters here.
You can do this, so stop giving yourself unnecessary emotional flagellation, and be more patient, kind and loving to yourself. You're about to get married and if you're not loving and caring enough to yourself, should your soon to be hubby, be expected to pick up some of your emotional slack, and have to give a little more, than maybe should be expected to the marriage, or else risk some kind of rot setting in, that one day destroys something that could last a lifetime, because you inflict emotional hurt on yourself, and he potentially suffers side effects, because ultimately you're arguably being a little unfair to him too, with your attitude to yourself and if you really love him, then don't do it to him, as he doesn't deserve any of your fallout, and you don't deserve any of what you put yourself through either.
You're a really warm-hearted and affectionate person, so why be this way to yourself?
You will find a way to get through this, but however you do it, GOOD LUCK, chin up, keep smiling, and don't expect more from yourself than you can give, you're a human being, not a robot, but you will never be second best unless you let yourself be.
Best wishes
.
and the PIX are NOT that wonderful... and I've become extreemly depressed and now becauase I'm depressed about it I've been eating crap and not excercising... Now it's time to start planning for wedding (I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO DO but differernt subject).... I starting at 188 lbs I'm now around 171-173 lbs 
... and so does anyone have any advice to get me kick started and motivated again???? 
)