Eating Disorder??

[MissJenaKay]

Okay, so for a while now a very close friend of mine has been concerned that I may have an eating disorder. I keep telling him that everything is fine, but I'm beginning to wonder if maybe there is something wrong with me.

I try to avoid eating if I can, I only eat when I'm very very hungry and when I do eat, I tend to feel bad about it afterward and it depresses me. More often than not, it also makes me feel very sick to stomach. The days that I do eat, I try to workout extra. I'm seeing very little weight loss and I tend to yo-yo a little bit being that I'll lose about 6 pounds and gain back 3 then lose 4 and gain 3 and things like that. He keeps telling me that eating so little isn't healthy, but I hardly ever get hungry and I figure that unless I'm hungry, I shouldn't eat.

Is he right in the fact that I may have an eating disorder?
What should I do?

[MissJenaKay]

... You have to eat MORE to lose weight, especially if you exercise. You should be eating healthy meals every 3-4 hours, so about 6 times a day. It seems like a lot at first, but it actually makes you more hungry over time. ...

Thanks for at least replying. I just have an issue with eating because it makes me feel miserable. I have no clue why and rather than deal with the guilt, depression, and disgust I feel when I eat, I try to avoid it. I'm trying to decide if this is serious enough to see a doctor about.

[Boss Man]

Firstly, regardless of your weight, you're quite a beautiful person, so you should have little reasons to feel disgust towards yourselfg, but as stated, you could gain weight potentially with your eating habits, plus you could lose muscle, affect Bone density and end up in a viscious cycle or gain, lose, gain, lose.

You CAN do this, but you need to be less negative towards food, because after a whle of eating with better regularity and caloric intake, you will be fine. Feelings you get after eating will subside, it will just take a bit of time.

Just keep believing in yourself and don't fear change. You're trying to change and you can be very proud of yourself, for not settling for a substandard you, but if you let the way you feel about food start to dictate your mindset, it will hurt your progress in the long-term and get you in a situation that's hard to get out of.

Good luck .

[MissJenaKay]

Firstly, regardless of your weight, you're quite a beautiful person, so you should have little reasons to feel disgust towards yourself ... You CAN do this, but you need to be less negative towards food, because after a while of eating with better regularity and caloric intake, you will be fine. Feelings you get after eating will subside, it will just take a bit of time ...

I've always had really low self-esteem and I think I'm highly unattractive, so that's another obstacle I need to get over. And I try not to be negative about food, but it makes me feel disgusted and sick afterward, regardless of how healthy or tasty the food is. I'm not entirely sure what the problem is there. However, thank you for the advice, I'll continue to attempt eating more often. I really do hope that the feelings I get subside, otherwise, this whole weight loss thing will be extra tough. Thanks again. :]

[MissJenaKay]

Yeah, just make sure you're eating healthy things if you eat more often. I'd hate to suggest you eat more and then have you gain weight from eating chips or something like that. Aim for lean proteins, veg, complex carbs. I try to eat carbs first thing in the morning and right after I workout, but different things work for different people.

Skip anything processed or with white stuff (white flour, white sugar, etc.).

I think you'll get there. But it definitely couldn't hurt to talk to someone. There are obviously issues that you could use help dealing with...and believe me, I understand.

Well, I eat really healthily anyway seeing as I generally don't like most junk foods. Thanks for the advice, I'll try it out.

[cassiegose]

Firstly, regardless of your weight, you're quite a beautiful person, so you should have little reasons to feel disgust towards yourself ... You CAN do this, but you need to be less negative towards food, because after a while of eating with better regularity and caloric intake, you will be fine. Feelings you get after eating will subside, it will just take a bit of time ...

I've always had really low self-esteem and I think I'm highly unattractive, so that's another obstacle I need to get over. And I try not to be negative about food, but it makes me feel disgusted and sick afterward, regardless of how healthy or tasty the food is. I'm not entirely sure what the problem is there. However, thank you for the advice, I'll continue to attempt eating more often. I really do hope that the feelings I get subside, otherwise, this whole weight loss thing will be extra tough. Thanks again. :]

Hey there,

How long have you had these feelings towards food? Is this a new thing or has it been going on for a while?

It does sound like you have an unhealthy relationship with food which stems from the low self esteem. I struggled with anorexia for a very long time so I can definitely relate to the food=guilt and low self esteem things. Its a battle.

With own disorder, I found that the root of problems wasn't so much about food, it was about me not liking/trusting/feeling comfortable with myself. I wasn't sure if I liked myself and as a result I was certain that if I couldn't even like myself nobody else would either. I felt like I couldn't control these things, so instead I focused on things that i could control... food and body. Over the course of a few months I managed to shrink from a healthy 135 lb teenager to a very sick, frail, skeleton. It was a bad situation. After a few trips to the doctor's office parents threatened to send me away if I didn't get better. Boy did I ever get better fast... or atleast I made it look like i was better. I increased weight but was still really struggling to make peace with myself. Honestly I'm not sure how I did it but over time I somehow managed to come to peace with body and the person I am. In fact, I FREAKING LOVE being me.

Enough about me... back to you... You said you feel guilty/depressed/disgusted when you eat. A few questions
Do you actually feel physically sick when you eat or do you think it might be more of an emotional thing that is causing your stomach to feel upset?
Are you trying to lose weight?
Is the guilt/food thing because you don't feel like you deserve food or is it because you feel like you're trying to lose weight and if you eat your failing at your goals?
I'm wondering if maybe you don't feel hungry because you've been depriving yourself of food... Sometimes it seems like the more I eat the hungrier I am. When I was anorexic I was honestly rarely hungry. I'm not sure if it was a "mind over matter" thing where I just refused to let myself feel hungry or something else going on.

I don't want to overload you with questions so I'll stop there. If you think it will help feel free to send me a private message.... I'm definitely not a doctor but have found that sometimes just having somebody to talk to can help alot. As Allison suggested, sometimes it really doesnt hurt to see a doctor if youre having a hard time sorting out feelings or coming to terms with certain things in your life.

*hugs*

Cassie

[MissJenaKay]

How long have you had these feelings towards food? Is this a new thing or has it been going on for a while?

...

Enough about me... back to you... You said you feel guilty/depressed/disgusted when you eat. A few questions
Do you actually feel physically sick when you eat or do you think it might be more of an emotional thing that is causing your stomach to feel upset?
Are you trying to lose weight?
Is the guilt/food thing because you don't feel like you deserve food or is it because you feel like you're trying to lose weight and if you eat your failing at your goals?
I'm wondering if maybe you don't feel hungry because you've been depriving yourself of food... Sometimes it seems like the more I eat the hungrier I am. When I was anorexic I was honestly rarely hungry. I'm not sure if it was a "mind over matter" thing where I just refused to let myself feel hungry or something else going on.

Okay, to answer your questions.

-I've felt this way for probably five or six months now. But it's just been getting worse lately.

-I feel physically sick, as in, I feel like I'm going to throw up or something to that effect.
-Yes, I'm trying to lose weight, I have been for years.
-I really have no clue why I feel guilty and whatnot, I just do. I think it's more of me feeling like I don't deserve it, because I have these sorts of feelings about a lot of other things too.
-The first time when I realized I don't get hungry is when I was on medication for mood disorders, I ended up getting off medication, but I never regained appetite and there have been times when I've gone a week and a half without eating just because I forgot to.

Thanks for the hugs. :] *hugs back*
Jena

[cassiegose]

Okay, to answer your questions.

-I've felt this way for probably five or six months now. But it's just been getting worse lately.

-I feel physically sick, as in, I feel like I'm going to throw up or something to that effect.
-Yes, I'm trying to lose weight, I have been for years.
-I really have no clue why I feel guilty and whatnot, I just do. I think it's more of me feeling like I don't deserve it, because I have these sorts of feelings about a lot of other things too.
-The first time when I realized I don't get hungry is when I was on medication for mood disorders, I ended up getting off medication, but I never regained appetite and there have been times when I've gone a week and a half without eating just because I forgot to.

Thanks for the hugs. :] *hugs back*
Jena

Hi Jena,

I'm sorry you're going through this. Know that you're not alone and that there are ways to deal with and conquer these feelings and issues.

I kind of figured that the feelings with food were stemming from you feeling like you didn't deserve it... I used to have the same feelings. I felt like I wasn't good enough and for some reason should be punished or didn't deserve the same things that other people did. Jena, I don't know you but can see that you are a BEAUTIFUL young lady. I can see by your post that you're intelligent and you're definitely in tune with who you are... Honestly it kind of just seems like we need to figure out how to show YOU just how truly beautiful and special you truly are.

So lets go from here... what things do you like about yourself? Lets look at the positives and build from there! Also, you said you've been trying to lose weight for years... well girlfriend you've come to the right place because you'll find tons of support, kindness, and advice on this site. I think I speak for everybody when I say that we ALL want to help you reach your goals and we'll be here for you every step of the way! What kind of exercise are you currently doing? I think that may help with the moods and I know it will help with the weight loss... honestly it might even help with the appetite.

A quote for you...

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists. It is real. It is possible. IT IS YOURS."

Cassie

[MissJenaKay]

Hiya,

Thanks for the kindness, I've been greatly lacking in support and I'm very glad to have found a site like this. The rest of family is either average or underweight, so they don't understand what I feel and they get annoyed when it takes me longer to eat because I'm either measuring or writing down what I've eaten. (When I remember to eat, or when I've tried eating dinner with them). They also, in a way, harass me about buying healthier foods because they don't see a point. :/ So the support is definitely something I'm going to enjoy.

So lets go from here... what things do you like about yourself? Lets look at the positives and build from there! Also, you said you've been trying to lose weight for years... well girlfriend you've come to the right place because you'll find tons of support, kindness, and advice on this site. I think I speak for everybody when I say that we ALL want to help you reach your goals and we'll be here for you every step of the way! What kind of exercise are you currently doing? I think that may help with the moods and I know it will help with the weight loss... honestly it might even help with the appetite.

Things I like about myself? There's not a whole lot. But I'm an artist and I'm incredibly intelligent. (I'm not boasting, I was Valedictorian, so I've got to be pretty smart huh?) I like the fact that I don't have an overblown ego and that I do everything that I can to help other people even though I won't, at times, take the time to care for myself. And, honestly, I think that is about all that I like about myself.

What kind of exercise I do? Well, when I work out, which I try to do at least every other day, I usually do about ten or twenty minutes of jogging or thirty minutes of aerobic step, push-ups, tricep work, jackknives, torso twists, planks, leg raises, lat raises, and I warm down by doing yoga and some plain old stretching. When I get done working out, I always feel great, I get giddy and everything feels great. But it doesn't last usually for more than an hour and even on weeks that I work out a lot, I don't get hungry.

Also, that quote was very nice, who was its author? I think I might like to keep it for future reference.

Thanks,
Jena. :]

[cassiegose]

Hiya,

Thanks for the kindness, I've been greatly lacking in support and I'm very glad to have found a site like this. The rest of family is either average or underweight, so they don't understand what I feel and they get annoyed when it takes me longer to eat because I'm either measuring or writing down what I've eaten. (When I remember to eat, or when I've tried eating dinner with them). They also, in a way, harass me about buying healthier foods because they don't see a point. :/ So the support is definitely something I'm going to enjoy.

So lets go from here... what things do you like about yourself? Lets look at the positives and build from there! Also, you said you've been trying to lose weight for years... well girlfriend you've come to the right place because you'll find tons of support, kindness, and advice on this site. I think I speak for everybody when I say that we ALL want to help you reach your goals and we'll be here for you every step of the way! What kind of exercise are you currently doing? I think that may help with the moods and I know it will help with the weight loss... honestly it might even help with the appetite.

Things I like about myself? There's not a whole lot. But I'm an artist and I'm incredibly intelligent. (I'm not boasting, I was Valedictorian, so I've got to be pretty smart huh?) I like the fact that I don't have an overblown ego and that I do everything that I can to help other people even though I won't, at times, take the time to care for myself. And, honestly, I think that is about all that I like about myself.

What kind of exercise I do? Well, when I work out, which I try to do at least every other day, I usually do about ten or twenty minutes of jogging or thirty minutes of aerobic step, push-ups, tricep work, jackknives, torso twists, planks, leg raises, lat raises, and I warm down by doing yoga and some plain old stretching. When I get done working out, I always feel great, I get giddy and everything feels great. But it doesn't last usually for more than an hour and even on weeks that I work out a lot, I don't get hungry.

Also, that quote was very nice, who was its author? I think I might like to keep it for future reference.

Thanks,
Jena. :]

Hi Jena,

I like that quote too. I'm sorry but I don't know the author... just picked it up somewhere. I actually printed that out and placed it at desk in office so that i can read it regularly. It kind of helps me keep things in perspective and keeps me fighting forward.

Ugh. Family! I can totally relate. Don't let them get to you or get you down! You do your thing and keep in mind that their opinions and judgements are most likely based on ignorance. NEVER feel bad for choosing healthy foods, measuring your food, writing down your foods, taking longer to eat.. or doing what you need to do to meet your goals and become healthier. Do this for YOU. Honestly, if they don't "get it" now they most likely never will. Thats fine. They don't have to get it. This is about YOU being the best/healthiest/happiest person that you can be. Its not about them.

So youre an artist... Thats very cool! I could tell by your picture that you kind of have that artistic "look" about you. I can also tell that youre very intelligent and aware of who you are. Valedictorian!?!?! Whoop whoop!!! Nice job! Those are GREAT qualities to have Jena! There are soooo many people walking around who are truly beautiful on the outside but once you get to know them you find that they are either quite dumb or that they are just horrible/mean/unethical people. A person can easily change their outward appearance but changing ones personality is another story. Know what I mean? Also being artistic is a true gift! I've always wished that i was more talented creative and/or artistic as I'm really not AT ALL... in fact I'm slightly retarded in those areas. I think it also says alot about your character that you tend to put others before yourself. This shows that you're caring, kind, and you must have a pretty big heart. Again Jena these are things that you really have to be born with... You can easily change your outward appereance but changing whats in your heart is quite challenging. Sounds like you were blessed with a kind, compassionate heart, an intelligent brain, and some artistic abilities to boot! You should feel proud and happy for these things!

Ok so now lets look at the things that you don't like about yourself. You've mentioned that you've been trying to lose weight so I'm assuming thats one thing that you'd like to change. As I said, outward appearances are easily altered... we just have to figure out how to go about it.

So youre on the right track with the exercise! Would you be willing to change your routine a little bit? Maybe do something like cardio for 30 minutes 2-3 days a week and weight training 2-3 days per week? For cardio you could do things like walking, jogging, aerobics, swimming, biking... really whatever you prefer and for the weight training start with some body weight stuff like lunges, pushups, squats, dips, step ups and add in a few weighted exercises like rows, bench press, overhead press. You could finish with yoga and stretching. What do you think? Would that be possible?

Also, would you mind posting what you're currently doing for meals? I (and others) would be happy to take a look at what you're currently doing and offer advice to help you reach your goals. It kind of sounds like the meals might be a bit hard at first as it sounds like you've pretty much shut down your metabolism and appetite. Sometimes you have to kind of force yourself to eat for a while until you get your metabolism firing and appetite back. This can be challenging however you'd be eating clean healthy foods that youre body NEEDS in order to allow you to meet your goals. I certainly wouldn't suggest that you eat unhealthy foods or anything that would set you back from meeting your goals.

Cassie

[MissJenaKay]

Ugh. Family! I can totally relate. Don't let them get to you or get you down! You do your thing and keep in mind that their opinions and judgements are most likely based on ignorance. NEVER feel bad for choosing healthy foods, measuring your food, writing down your foods, taking longer to eat.. or doing what you need to do to meet your goals and become healthier. Do this for YOU. Honestly, if they don't "get it" now they most likely never will. Thats fine. They don't have to get it. This is about YOU being the best/healthiest/happiest person that you can be. Its not about them.

So youre an artist... Thats very cool! I could tell by your picture that you kind of have that artistic "look" about you. I can also tell that youre very intelligent and aware of who you are. Valedictorian!?!?! Whoop whoop!!! Nice job! Those are GREAT qualities to have Jena! There are soooo many people walking around who are truly beautiful on the outside but once you get to know them you find that they are either quite dumb or that they are just horrible/mean/unethical people. A person can easily change their outward appearance but changing ones personality is another story. Know what I mean? Also being artistic is a true gift! I've always wished that i was more talented creative and/or artistic as I'm really not AT ALL... in fact I'm slightly retarded in those areas. I think it also says alot about your character that you tend to put others before yourself. This shows that you're caring, kind, and you must have a pretty big heart. Again Jena these are things that you really have to be born with... You can easily change your outward appereance but changing whats in your heart is quite challenging. Sounds like you were blessed with a kind, compassionate heart, an intelligent brain, and some artistic abilities to boot! You should feel proud and happy for these things!

Ok so now lets look at the things that you don't like about yourself. You've mentioned that you've been trying to lose weight so I'm assuming thats one thing that you'd like to change. As I said, outward appearances are easily altered... we just have to figure out how to go about it.

So youre on the right track with the exercise! Would you be willing to change your routine a little bit? Maybe do something like cardio for 30 minutes 2-3 days a week and weight training 2-3 days per week? For cardio you could do things like walking, jogging, aerobics, swimming, biking... really whatever you prefer and for the weight training start with some body weight stuff like lunges, pushups, squats, dips, step ups and add in a few weighted exercises like rows, bench press, overhead press. You could finish with yoga and stretching. What do you think? Would that be possible?

Also, would you mind posting what you're currently doing for meals? I (and others) would be happy to take a look at what you're currently doing and offer advice to help you reach your goals. It kind of sounds like the meals might be a bit hard at first as it sounds like you've pretty much shut down your metabolism and appetite. Sometimes you have to kind of force yourself to eat for a while until you get your metabolism firing and appetite back. This can be challenging however you'd be eating clean healthy foods that youre body NEEDS in order to allow you to meet your goals. I certainly wouldn't suggest that you eat unhealthy foods or anything that would set you back from meeting your goals.

Cassie

Cassie,

Thanks for the advice on family. I try not to let it get me down, but when it's the people you work so hard to make proud, it hurts a lot when they shoot down your attempts, you know what I mean? Also, thank you very much for the compliments, I don't hear them much. I'm really shy so I tend not to talk to people about myself, or really talk much in general.

I'll give you a little list of things that I don't like about myself, just so you know what issues I'm dealing with here. :/
- I highly dislike weight, and body in general. (I feel like I'm too tall)
- I don't feel girly since almost all friends are guys and wardrobe consists of jeans, t-shirts and sweatshirts with only one or two girlish shirts. But this is mainly because I don't like to shop for myself because it always frustrates me and ends up depressing.
- I'm REALLY shy in day to day life, I don't know why, but I freak out about talking to new people and hanging out with people I know.
- I've got a couple mood/anxiety disorders. They're in check, it just bothers me that I have them.
- I'm almost too nice for own good. I tend to get taken for granted or taken advantage of, and I'm so afraid to stand up for myself and I forgive people far too easily for trespasses against me.

I imagine that there are other things that I dislike about myself, but they must be terribly small because I can't recall any more than the list above.

I'd be more than willing to change exercise routine, only problem is that I have very limited resources, so anything that would involve weights is out, sadly. Also, you mentioned working 2-3 days of cardio and 2-3 days of each week. For me, this would be cutting back, am I over exercise right now?

As for posting meals, how should I go about this? Should I write them up and post them in a thread, or are you able to access nutrition journal and would that be sufficient? As far as foods go, parents are usually fine with buying the healthier foods, they just pick on me about it afterward. However, in the fall, I'm going away to school, so I'll have much more control over the kinds of foods I eat.

Jena. :]

[MissJenaKay]

I can't count the number of complexes I have because all friends were always guys. I never got along well with girls (I still don't, really...always too much drama, and I'm not a hair & make-up kind of person), and like ALL of friends were guys. But what happened was that they accepted me as one of them and were always doing stuff like looking at Playboy and critiquing the women, or talking about what they didn't like about their girlfriends in bed, or tearing down pretty girls. It all made me feel like crap. I mean, if they were so hard on the pretty girls, what did that mean guys thought about me? I'm turning 30 this year, and I'm still not over all of that.

I also have mom, who was a former South Carolina beauty queen, dealing with me, a fat kid. There was always the, "you don't have to eat everything on your plate," and the digs about how I should be exercising. To this day, I feel that I have to be thin to be pretty, and I have to be pretty for them to accept me. I've told them that, and even though they say they think I'm beautiful and they're proud of me, it goes in one ear and out the other.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I was very much like you, and I still struggle with a lot of those issues. What's awesome, though, is that you're starting early. I didn't start exercising and eating right until I was about 23. I wish I'd gotten started a lot earlier...not for anyone else, but for myself.

And as far as being too nice, you've got to value yourself enough to put yourself first. That doesn't mean being selfish or being a bitch...you can't help others if you're not taking care of yourself. People used to call me a martyr, and I always thought it was a compliment...I don't really think so anymore. I think people were just taking advantage of me.

And being tall is AWESOME. Screw everybody else. Stand up tall, sit up straight, and be proud! Play volleyball or basketball...tall is a serious asset.

I have that issue with a couple of guy friends, because I'm just one of the guys, they treat me like a guy and they talk about girls and how they look and all that. Also, I'm friends (luckily or unluckily) with the best looking guys in area, so they always date the gorgeous, popular girls. And as you can imagine, I feel like there's no way to measure up to what they're used to. D: Also, the ways they talk about girls' bodies kinda scares me, and puts that, "Oh shit, they say that about her, she's really nice and pretty, what do they think of me?" thought into head which makes me even more insecure about body and all that.

Luckily, I don't have the parents that want me to be thin, in fact, they've always told me to eat everything on plate and they always wanted me to eat and they tell me I'm cute or pretty. immediate family, for reason, usually avoids words like beautiful and such. The only person that ventures further than pretty is grandma, but she's an amazing woman. She's also an oddball that tells me that I'm a "damn sexy mama." every time I see her. Haha.

As for valuing myself, I have major issues with it seeing as I've always been treated badly, by myself and others. I know it's something I need to work on and I'm definitely trying to put more effort into caring about myself. Also, thanks for the pep talk. :]

Jena.

[cassiegose]

Cassie,

Thanks for the advice on family. I try not to let it get me down, but when it's the people you work so hard to make proud, it hurts a lot when they shoot down your attempts, you know what I mean? Also, thank you very much for the compliments, I don't hear them much. I'm really shy so I tend not to talk to people about myself, or really talk much in general.

I'll give you a little list of things that I don't like about myself, just so you know what issues I'm dealing with here. :/
- I highly dislike weight, and body in general. (I feel like I'm too tall)
- I don't feel girly since almost all friends are guys and wardrobe consists of jeans, t-shirts and sweatshirts with only one or two girlish shirts. But this is mainly because I don't like to shop for myself because it always frustrates me and ends up depressing.
- I'm REALLY shy in day to day life, I don't know why, but I freak out about talking to new people and hanging out with people I know.
- I've got a couple mood/anxiety disorders. They're in check, it just bothers me that I have them.
- I'm almost too nice for own good. I tend to get taken for granted or taken advantage of, and I'm so afraid to stand up for myself and I forgive people far too easily for trespasses against me.

I imagine that there are other things that I dislike about myself, but they must be terribly small because I can't recall any more than the list above.

I'd be more than willing to change exercise routine, only problem is that I have very limited resources, so anything that would involve weights is out, sadly. Also, you mentioned working 2-3 days of cardio and 2-3 days of each week. For me, this would be cutting back, am I over exercise right now?

As for posting meals, how should I go about this? Should I write them up and post them in a thread, or are you able to access nutrition journal and would that be sufficient? As far as foods go, parents are usually fine with buying the healthier foods, they just pick on me about it afterward. However, in the fall, I'm going away to school, so I'll have much more control over the kinds of foods I eat.

Jena. :]

Oh I totally know what you mean about the family issues. Mine are also VERY good at shooting me down. In fact, it seems like every time I start to really feel good about myself and life in general they have a way of making me feel like crap again. Eh... thats why God gives us friends though right.

As for the weight... As I said before that can be changed. As for being tall, I totally agree with Allison.... If at all possible EMBRACE it chica!

So I'm totally going out on a limb here but I wonder if maybe you tend to wear jeans, t-shirts, and sweatshirts because youre self consious about your weight and as a result you don't feel girly. SO if we found a way to help with the weight you would be more likely to experiment with your wardrobe a bit and as a result feel more girly? Also, if you felt more comfortable in your own skin you would feel more comfortable shopping and then wouldn't get depressed when it came to finding girly clothes that you wanted to wear.

As for the shy thing... Oh goodness Jena I used to be PAINFULLY shy. I was seriously socially retarded for the first 19 years of life. With me, the majority of shyness stemmed from self esteem issues which stemmed from body image issues. Once I got weight/body image thing under control self esteem slowly improved and over the years I finally learned how to be ok with myself.

Now, don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that ALL of your "issues" are stemming from weight... however I do think that the weight seems to be influencing some of the other stuff going on and if we just focus on one thing that can be changed maybe the other ones will kind of take care of themselves?

So for workouts I think I'm a little confused... I thought you meant that you're currently working out every other day so with the cardio and weights I was suggesting going from every other day to a little more regimented plan of weights and cardio 4-6 days per week. So it would be something like this:
Monday: weights
Tuesday: cardio
Wednesday: weights
Thursday: cardio
Friday: weights
Saturday: cardio
Sunday: Off

Now I'm not saying kill yourself every day, just do something every day and take Sunday off. For instance, Mondays weight routine could be 3 sets of 10 each of squats, lunges, pushups, bent over rows, chair dips, and military press... followed by yoga and stretching. Then Tuesdays workout could be something like a 30 minute jog, followed by a yoga or a nice relaxing walk OR aerobic step with a nice walk after or yoga. For the weight training, not having a ton of equipment is perfectly fine! Wal Mart sells free weights for like $2-5 and I think you could pick up a nice sized set to get you started for only $20. A simple chair or bench works fine for things like dips and bench press and rows don't require any equipment other than dumbbells. Really working out doesn't need to be difficult or require a bunch of expensive equipment. A few dumbbells or even exercise bands can make for a great workout! Also, don't be afraid to utilize the local high school track. Running/walking stairs is a GREAT workout, sprints are awesome, and simply doing intervals around the track will be great for fat loss.

Ok for meals... I went in and looked at your current plan and I see lots of ways that we can improve your meals to help you start making some HUGE progress.
So this is what you're currently doing:

Tropicana, Pure Premium, Lots of Pulp 1
2. Fat Free Milk 1
3. Mornin jems frosted flakes
4. Marketside, Classic Iceberg Salad 1.5
5. Bread, white, commercially prepared, low sodium no salt 2 cup,
6. Hellmann's Real Mayonnaise
7. Sarah Lee Honey Roasted Turkey Breast
8. Great Value, Zesty Italian Dressing
9. American cheese 1
10. Snapple, Green Tea, Diet Peach

What if instead we made a few tweeks... something like this:
Meal 1: 1 piece fruit, 2 cups bran flakes, fat free milk
Meal 2: small handful nuts, 1 brown rice cake, 1 piece low fat string cheese
Meal 3: 2 slices whole grain bread, mayo, turkey breast, cheese, veggies (you could do half of this sandwich then do the other half with meal 4 if its too much at one time)
Meal 4: 1 piece fruit or veggies, small handful nuts, a few slices lunch meat or other lean protein
Meal 5: lean protein, veggies, healthy fat (you could do something like a grilled chicken salad with olive oil vinegarette?)
Meal 6: low fat cottage cheese, natural nut butter (I mix mine together and add a bit of stevia to sweeten it up).

What do you think Jena? Would those changes be possible?

[MissJenaKay]

So I'm totally going out on a limb here but I wonder if maybe you tend to wear jeans, t-shirts, and sweatshirts because youre self consious about your weight and as a result you don't feel girly. SO if we found a way to help with the weight you would be more likely to experiment with your wardrobe a bit and as a result feel more girly? Also, if you felt more comfortable in your own skin you would feel more comfortable shopping and then wouldn't get depressed when it came to finding girly clothes that you wanted to wear.
...
Now, don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that ALL of your "issues" are stemming from weight... however I do think that the weight seems to be influencing some of the other stuff going on and if we just focus on one thing that can be changed maybe the other ones will kind of take care of themselves?
...
So for workouts I think I'm a little confused... I thought you meant that you're currently working out every other day so with the cardio and weights I was suggesting going from every other day to a little more regimented plan of weights and cardio 4-6 days per week. So it would be something like this:
Monday: weights
Tuesday: cardio
Wednesday: weights
Thursday: cardio
Friday: weights
Saturday: cardio
Sunday: Off

Now I'm not saying kill yourself every day, just do something every day and take Sunday off. For instance, Mondays weight routine could be 3 sets of 10 each of squats, lunges, pushups, bent over rows, chair dips, and military press... followed by yoga and stretching. Then Tuesdays workout could be something like a 30 minute jog, followed by a yoga or a nice relaxing walk OR aerobic step with a nice walk after or yoga. For the weight training, not having a ton of equipment is perfectly fine! Wal Mart sells free weights for like $2-5 and I think you could pick up a nice sized set to get you started for only $20. A simple chair or bench works fine for things like dips and bench press and rows don't require any equipment other than dumbbells. Really working out doesn't need to be difficult or require a bunch of expensive equipment. A few dumbbells or even exercise bands can make for a great workout! Also, don't be afraid to utilize the local high school track. Running/walking stairs is a GREAT workout, sprints are awesome, and simply doing intervals around the track will be great for fat loss.

Ok for meals... I went in and looked at your current plan and I see lots of ways that we can improve your meals to help you start making some HUGE progress.
So this is what you're currently doing:

Tropicana, Pure Premium, Lots of Pulp 1
2. Fat Free Milk 1
3. Mornin jems frosted flakes
4. Marketside, Classic Iceberg Salad 1.5
5. Bread, white, commercially prepared, low sodium no salt 2 cup,
6. Hellmann's Real Mayonnaise
7. Sarah Lee Honey Roasted Turkey Breast
8. Great Value, Zesty Italian Dressing
9. American cheese 1
10. Snapple, Green Tea, Diet Peach

What if instead we made a few tweeks... something like this:
Meal 1: 1 piece fruit, 2 cups bran flakes, fat free milk
Meal 2: small handful nuts, 1 brown rice cake, 1 piece low fat string cheese
Meal 3: 2 slices whole grain bread, mayo, turkey breast, cheese, veggies (you could do half of this sandwich then do the other half with meal 4 if its too much at one time)
Meal 4: 1 piece fruit or veggies, small handful nuts, a few slices lunch meat or other lean protein
Meal 5: lean protein, veggies, healthy fat (you could do something like a grilled chicken salad with olive oil vinegarette?)
Meal 6: low fat cottage cheese, natural nut butter (I mix mine together and add a bit of stevia to sweeten it up).

What do you think Jena? Would those changes be possible?

Cassie,

I think you're fairly accurate as far as the whole clothing thing goes, plus, I tend to wear jeans and t-shirts because they're cheaper, and I'm kinda poor. But, yeah, in any case, I do believe that if I could get weight lower, then I'd be more willing to experiment in wardrobe, also, I've never really felt that clothing at size was something I really wanted to invest in. Especially since the whole process of buying the clothing in the first place was such a discouraging and frustrating task.

I also think you're at least a little right in saying that changing body may help with some other issues, but as for shyness and a couple other mood issues go, that's issues that I don't think losing weight can help, neurological chemical stuff. . . :/

For workouts, I usually work out two days, take one off, work to days, take one off, etc. It's been a little crazy lately, because it's been extremely hot in area lately, and so doing a whole lot of working out makes me feel like I'm going to die of heat stroke. (Haha) So workouts haven't been as regimented as usual. But I do think that something like what you mentioned could help a lot. only issue with your suggestion about using local high school's track. It's a six mile walk just to get there. Haha. So when I walk or jog, I generally jog around the block a couple times.

Also, with your suggestions about what I eat. . . That seems like A LOT. I honestly don't know if I could bring myself to eat that much . . . I'd try, but I honestly think that eating often enough to do that would make me feel horrible . . . As it is right now, I try to eat at least two meals a day or one meal and a couple snacks. On a really good day, like today, I've had two meals and two snacks, I don't feel awful, but I feel pretty gross and it's still no where near as much as you're suggesting. . .

Jena

[MissJenaKay]

Hi babe (: I've been reading and I made a huge post for you last night and lost it! Now I have to get ready for work, but for now I should say... There are probably 50 people on this forum that have been through all of that. In general, we don't talk about it, but that really reads like something I could have written! So I'll post what I can when I get a chance! But let me just say I've gone to Cassie more than once seeking advice and asking questions and not ONCE has she led me astray!

Good luck!

Les

Thanks for the well wishes, doll. :]

Jena