A: You're human.
B: you're female and many females have confidence issues regards how they look and body composition, so it's certainly not something to feel, ashamed or embarrassed about.
You should certainly be proud of talking about your physical fears, hang-ups and worries. It's sometimes hard for people to basically say, I'm X and I have a physical problem and I don't like it, please help me. people are afraid ot admit they are like that, incase it possibly makes them feel like failures, that they ended up like that when they had chances before to correct their body issues, before the admission date, but by speaking out you don't fail, you take that first impottent step to change. Recognition and admission of some possible self neglect.
It's also not a bad thing that sometimes you can't remember certain things you may have been told in the past. You probably have a lot of stuff on your plate, especially with hubbys issues too, that sometimes you as a person do have to take more of a back seat and can't concentrate more on your own needs and goals.
So dont' ever feel stupid or useless or a screw up, because what you want doesn't seem to happen like you want it. You're also in an age rane where physical change is harder. It's get's more difficult, when nature starts fighting back. You're going to come up against these issues and it's probably just like being 13 again in some respects. Some females that age, wondering why their Chest is smaller than other peoples, or wondering why others look so good and they don't.
Does this mean you can't have what you want? No, it means you just have to be patient, understanding and committed to yourself. It's not easy, but if you let it overwhelm you, you'll be a victim, because you'll just get days when you get frustrated, then have a vew lazy days coupled with poor eating habits, because you want change, but maybe you're giving 80%, because you feel your life only allows you to give 80% and time constrains a little too much.
So I can understand why you get frustrated and bothered and feel like you want to just give up sometimes, or hit your head on a wall.
You need to remember though that by continuing to try, you can make improvements you can't see. With health it's not about the way you look, it's about the way your inner workings perform as well. We can't see what happens inside of us, but we can positively influence it and only by sticking to a good way of life, will you help to better ensure this.
You are a very good looking Lady and you can be proud of your continued efforts to change. You're not stupid, or a failure or a dead loss, you're just someone trying to find the right answer(s), so you have nothing to feel badly about, because this is not about how quickly someone succeeds, but whether they have what it takes to succeed and therefore can and you certainly do have what it takes.
So you need to be understanding and patient. You presumably have to do that with hubbys problems, so you need to do that for you too. You clearly have a difficult homelife balance because of his issues as well, but I know that if you can find a little more leverage to fit your "you" time in too and be consistant on the eating, you CAN do this and i've never ever thought you couldn't and I think you know in your own Heart you can do this too, as long as you can find a way to give yourself 100% when you need to, because it WON'T stop you giving to him either for a moment. There is enough in your head and Heart for both of you, if you can make it work.
As for the BMR you mentioned. Basal Metabolic Rate is the amount of daily calories needed to sustain a healthy metabolism. It's not a target, it's a minimum requirement. For the target I'd aim for around 2,100 a dsay. That's 1,800 for sedentary females and 300 for exercise.
Either 350 a meal over 6 meals, or 450 in meal 1, 350 in 2,3,4,5 and 250 in 6.
That should help.
You know I can feel your emotiom in your words and I CAN understand.
So from one person to another I want to send you a BIG PAT ON THE BACK and I want you to be proud of yourself.
You CAN be proud of admitting all your little eccentricities hang-ups and issues. Proud of being able to admit you're not perfect and you are human and proud of what you have already acheived.
When you see what you have already done for the past several months, especially since you started posing here, to admit the things you have, to keep trying, to progress and make some changes, you can start to see your efforts and more importantly yourself in a more positive way.
If they were giving awards for likeability and charm you'd be right up there and you need to keep seeing the best of yourself, so you can start to look more favourably on your efforts.
I DO believe in you and always have, but you need to keep believing in yourself, your own abilities and the ability for you to succeed.
Hubbys problems are going to make it difficult sometimes to try and train sufficiently per week and eat properly, but you ARE capable of giving enough for him and you, you really, really are.
GOOD LUCK as always. We ARE here for you and we will support you as much as we can. You need to keep believing and need to keep seeing the positive things you have done all this time.
You ARE a wonderful person and I am always proud to share this site with people like you. You're not anything but a likeable, and colourful person. You have your own unique personality and character and a very, very warm Heart and that's why we have and always will be behind you all the way, because you're valued and appreciated for what you try to achieve and for what you bring to the community.
Don't stop being you okay
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oupps... a bit emotional today well for the last few month sorry! Too much at once in life right now! Thank you very much, i really like this site there is very good people here and you are certainly one of them 
i am very happy to have meet you!
now i can see that with great people like who have good knowledge in this department i can get to something, i just want to try not to ask the same questions over and over, i don't want people to think that i don't listen and they talk for nothing its just that sometime i take me time to understand i am not too sure if its becasue english is not first language or but ...