Skully's Journal (Diet/workout)

[skully]

Weird....

I lost another 1 inch from waist and navel. Weird...I didn't expect it. Despite the fact I had one week of bad eating.

Now I'm almost 26in waist
31 for navel....

Just need to lose one more inch and stay there. That's ideal body.

[skully]

Meals:

12:00 1 egg eaten with brown bread, some green olives, green tea

3:00 6-7 pieces of grilled shrimps, white rice (palm size), 100ml of lemon/mint juice

4:30 Half a bag of light popcorn (70 cals) w. 2 tbs of PB, 100 ml of lemon juice

Went for a light cardio workout: 20 mins treadmill, with different inclines, 5,6,10,12,14, with speeds between 4.5-6 km/h + hips exercises + a bit of abs, too.

6:45 Protein shake (with 50ml of milk mixed with water, is that ok?), 1 Peanut butter granola bar

8:45 (now): 1 whole wheat tortilla bread with chicken, musturd, 1 slice of low fat cheese, olives, lettuce

[cassiegose]

Weird....

I lost another 1 inch from waist and navel. Weird...I didn't expect it. Despite the fact I had one week of bad eating.

Now I'm almost 26in waist
31 for navel....

Just need to lose one more inch and stay there. That's ideal body.

Great job Amna!

You're doing awesome and I'm VERY proud of you. Youre a very special lady with loads of potential. I know you've mentioned that you have a hard time making friends. If I lived closer to you I would be your friend in a HEARTBEAT! You're a very hardworking, determined, tough young lady and i can't even begin to tell you how much i respect that about you. I've been avoiding your posts lately because I wasn't sure what to say to make you feel better. In fact I'm sure that there is nothing I can say to ease the pain that you've been going through. I'm here for ya Amna... lurking around in the background and silently cheering you on through your victories and struggles. If I can help shoot me a message.

Keep your CHIN UP. Life sucks sometimes... it can suck royally in fact. However it can also be pretty darn awesome at times. I know you may not see that now but keep trudging along and you will have days of happiness in your future.

YOUR FRIEND,

Cassie

[skully]

Thanks Cassie...

I know I have a lot of mood swings, and a lot of issues up in head more than anything else....but one thing about me, if I want something I'll get it somehow. Really...I am naturally a fighter...and I know I got all the wrong techniques...but I find it hard to change things over night.....Same thing with body...it's not like I'll be fit overnight... anger gets the best of me, and sometimes I actually like it...

and no matter what people tell me...it won't make anything better honestly...

but I did change A LOT in the past two months, and I think i have to continue these changes, despite the fact I may have one big week of bad food....It doesn't matter...it's up and down thing all the time, eh?

[cassiegose]

Thanks Cassie...

I know I have a lot of mood swings, and a lot of issues up in head more than anything else....but one thing about me, if I want something I'll get it somehow. Really...I am naturally a fighter...and I know I got all the wrong techniques...but I find it hard to change things over night.....Same thing with body...it's not like I'll be fit overnight... anger gets the best of me, and sometimes I actually like it...

and no matter what people tell me...it won't make anything better honestly...

but I did change A LOT in the past two months, and I think i have to continue these changes, despite the fact I may have one big week of bad food....It doesn't matter...it's up and down thing all the time, eh?

Hi girl!

So are you starting to feel better? I've been really worried about you.

You are a fighter... I like that about ya!

You have changed A LOT in the past couple of months. You've gone from feeling sorry for yourself (most of the time ) to taking charge of your situation to make the changes you want to see. You're a strong girl and I know that if you keep plugging along your situation will eventually get better. As for the people over there thinking that you're a freak... Come live in the US. I, for one, will like you just the way you are and will respect you just for being who you are.

Chin up girlfriend. Youre making great progress and I can't wait to see the changes that take place as you continue to work towards your goals.

*hugs*

Cassie

[skully]

Thanks cassie.

Let's just say I don't feel the same flaring anger everytime a negative thought comes to mind...I'm still in a rocky chair though...I feel like skipping school for a few days...I don't know. I am having a lot of conflicting thoughts and I can't talk about it without getting angry, and keeping them in makes me angrier and god knows how many people I lashed out at.

People will view me as a freak every where I go. Here. North pole (wherever that is ). U.S. ...plus it's going to be hard for me to go there. Someday...I'm not a big fan of traveling....so someday maybe.

I said it from the beginning I know I need about 6 months to see "real" full-out changes. Not just 2 months. To lose the body fat, to tone up a bit more...

Thanks for the hugs. I need those.

[cassiegose]

Thanks cassie.

Let's just say I don't feel the same flaring anger everytime a negative thought comes to mind...I'm still in a rocky chair though...I feel like skipping school for a few days...I don't know. I am having a lot of conflicting thoughts and I can't talk about it without getting angry, and keeping them in makes me angrier and god knows how many people I lashed out at.

People will view me as a freak every where I go. Here. North pole (wherever that is ). U.S. ...plus it's going to be hard for me to go there. Someday...I'm not a big fan of traveling....so someday maybe.

I said it from the beginning I know I need about 6 months to see "real" full-out changes. Not just 2 months. To lose the body fat, to tone up a bit more...

Thanks for the hugs. I need those.

Well shoot me a message if you need to lash out. You can lash out at me. I'm tough and I can take it.

Someday come to the US. You can stay with me and I'll show you around the amazing state of Oregon (or wherever I am at the time). I don't think you're a freak. Not at all hun.

I believe the North Pole is up North. Its located by Santas workshop. I hear there are lots of elvs and toys up there. Sounds nice. I think youre right though, you might actually look a bit freakish walking around up there with all the elvs. You'd be like a giant in a world of "little people". If I'm correct, Santa is the only normal sized person allowed up there. So yeah don't go to the North Pole. It sounds nice but its cold and elfish.

You're welcome for the hugs. Anytime!

Cassie

[skully]

Thanks cassie.

Let's just say I don't feel the same flaring anger everytime a negative thought comes to mind...I'm still in a rocky chair though...I feel like skipping school for a few days...I don't know. I am having a lot of conflicting thoughts and I can't talk about it without getting angry, and keeping them in makes me angrier and god knows how many people I lashed out at.

People will view me as a freak every where I go. Here. North pole (wherever that is ). U.S. ...plus it's going to be hard for me to go there. Someday...I'm not a big fan of traveling....so someday maybe.

I said it from the beginning I know I need about 6 months to see "real" full-out changes. Not just 2 months. To lose the body fat, to tone up a bit more...

Thanks for the hugs. I need those.

Well shoot me a message if you need to lash out. You can lash out at me. I'm tough and I can take it.

Someday come to the US. You can stay with me and I'll show you around the amazing state of Oregon (or wherever I am at the time). I don't think you're a freak. Not at all hun.

I believe the North Pole is up North. Its located by Santas workshop. I hear there are lots of elvs and toys up there. Sounds nice. I think youre right though, you might actually look a bit freakish walking around up there with all the elvs. You'd be like a giant in a world of "little people". If I'm correct, Santa is the only normal sized person allowed up there. So yeah don't go to the North Pole. It sounds nice but its cold and elfish.

You're welcome for the hugs. Anytime!

Cassie

looool cassie. Okay no north pole...not that i'll be able to hand the cold i'm sure!

I honestly find it even hard to write emails or msgs about the things i want to lash about....because they're all jumbled up, i end up just swearing w/o actually making any sense in the points...you know?

Maybe someday I do come by. Who knows. God knows I need a big break.

Anyway....I am so sore from Tuesdays/Thursdays workout...I am in so much pain literally everywhere. Arms, lower and upper back, legs, forarms, quads...I am sort of unsure if i should go for an intense cardio tomorrow or not. I went for a light cardio today, as in no running/jumping...heavy effort...thing is I wont be able to exercise this mon/wed...most likely for sure. I usualy do cardio ese days so I thought I would do
Sun; Weights + cardio,
Mon: Off
Tue: Weights + Cardio
Wed: off
Thursday: weights
Friday: Off or light cardio
Sat: Cardio

I just don't know if i should go for body attack class (high aerobics class) tomorrow. Everytime I go to it, I feel like I lose weight.It's one hour long. I do it on own pace though. Go high intensity, then lower it when I can't cope with the classe's pace. There are some squats, lunges, pushups incorporated in the class.

What do u say?

[cassiegose]

Hmmmm.... maybe see how you feel tomorrow? If you're overly sore take the day off and if you feel like your body has recovered then do cardior or that body attack class.

[skully]

I actually felt amazingly better today when I woke up. I was very little sore, like 180 degrees difference. I guess body is used to it by now.

12:00 - 1 scrambled egg, protein special k, green tea

3:00 - Grilled chicken, white rice, veggies,a bit of lemon juice

5:00-6:00 - Body attack class

6:15 - Protein shake + granola bar

8:00 - 2 small tortillas: Turkey, mustard, olives, cottage cheese, lettuce

I sort of slipped here but not big...

9:50 - 3 pieces biscuit choco thingie....It was like 70 cals, about 2g of fat, 1g of protein, 10gram of carbs...within that range...

12:00 - 2 thin slices of rice cake with 1 tbs of PB, wanted to drink a protein shake but something went wrong so I barely had a few sips from it. But still got about 10gram of protein.

[skully]

I could almost say I am finally happy with body shape. I look so much better than before. I don't have that huge (according to standards of own body). I feel a bit better than before. Not down in that pit. I did something productive today, and I am somewhat happy with the outcome.

12:00 - scrambled eggs w/brown bread + Special K Protein plus w/low fat milk (300 cals)

1:30 - Weights

2:30 - Protein shake (100 cals)

3:00 - Grilled chicken with rice, and a bit of lemon. (300 cals)

6:00 - Popcorn (was out at the movies/doing an assignment...) (100-200 cals)

9:00 - A small plate of pasta with grilled chicken + Half of Manakesh Zatar (It's not the best choice, but honestly I barely had enough calories in first 3 meals, so I don't think it's the worst thing ever), mountain dew ( I never said I'd quit, just reduce the amount, which I have tremendously!) (500 cals I'd say)

11:30 (now) 1 rice cake with 1 tbs of PB + 10grams of protein shake. (200 cals)

So that's it for today. I still think I did not have enough calories. I am not sure.

But I am pretty much OK with body shape. I feel more confident, lighter...not disgusted with myself really. So that's good enough for me. Despite the fact I had a pretty shitty week last week.

[Boss Man]

That's one of the things I think you really needed. To be able to find some positives in your life, which this clearly is .

[skully]

Okay...im dep all over again. Thanks to this effing course of mine.

If I continue: I'll get a low grade for sure.
If I drop: 1) I will be FIVE courses late, 2) More money to spend. 3) Dad's assing about it.

Meals:

9:00 Boiled Egg whites, green tea (no time for breakie, just a quick one)

10:30 Brown bread sandwich, Labneh and Zatar, 2 munchkins, coffee

12:50 Grilled Chicken, A LOT of lettuce, 4 tbs of balsmic vinegar

4:45 about 30-35g of peanuts, orange juice, roll-ups (1g of fat, 50 cals, has more carbs)

6:00 High intensity Cardio 10 minutes on a treadmill: 1-2min 5km/h, 30s-1min 8/11/12 km/h + 12 minutes on an elliptical machine with Effort levels going back and forth between 1,6,8,10,15,20 + 10 minutes of hip exercises (not weighted)

6:45 Protein Shake

8:00 Half a sandwich of Turkey, mustard, lettuce, cottage cheese + A bit of All Bran Cereal with low fat milk.

11:30 (soon) 2 rice cake with 1 tbs of PB on each + 10gram of protein shake w/ a bit of low fat milk.

[skully]

I was jamming out during workout today and a song came on that brought you to mind. This used to be anthem when I was a teenager. Okay, one of anthems....

Stepped out of the line
Like a sheep runs from the herd
Marching out of time
To own beat now
The only way I know

One light, one mind
Flashing in the dark
Blinded by the silence of a thousand broken hearts
"For crying out loud" she screamed unto me
A free for all
F^@k 'em all
You are your own sight

I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority
'Cause I want to be the minority

I <3 Green Day.

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/greenday/minority.html

PS: I started college in fall of 1998 and graduated in the summer of 2005. I dropped out, worked odd jobs, did some stuff that wasn't good for me at all, and eventually figured things out. It all works out in the end, and your parents will always love you no matter what.

cool song. I'll give it a listen, and it indeed speaks to me.

I would love to say that parents would love me for whatever reason, but that's very untrue. dad listerally wanted to throw me in the garbage when I was few months old cuz I used to cry too much, he said i'd be stupid when I grow up, he won't even give us any money w/o us literally begging for it or he yelling and screaming and sayind he'd commit suicide because he pays too much. so ya if one extra $ for him, is like a million...so yeah... DAD wouldn't love for anything, because he IN FACT hates us. And that's the truth.

[skully]

I feel like complete crap right now, and I have a major headache. I want to cry, yell, scream, break something..maybe kill someone while I'm at it, if not myself. I'm under so much pressure i have NO ONE to speak to who would help me with problem. At least not in a realistic way. I really want to drop out of uni. I cannot do it anymore. Damn...i'm treating this like a blog now...wtf, eh.

Meals

9:00 Brown bread egg sandwich w/ low fat cheese

10:20-11:00 Weights

11:15 Protein shake + Granola bar

1:30 Grilled chicken, veggies, rice

3:00-4:30 Napped, woke up feeling like crap and tired...yet forced myself to go to the gym. I know body is tired and exhausted...not from working out, but from university and the stress. If I don't kill me. Stress will kill me.

5:15 Nature Valley 1 piece Granola bar (80 cals), 10grams of protein shake with a bit of milk,1 roll-ups candy...

6:15 Bodycombat class + abs

8:15 3-4 pieces of vine leaves with stuffed rice, few bites of hummus, 1 egg

i am starting to lose appetite, and energy and everything....and I hate THIS HEADACHE!!!!

11:20 (now) will have 1 rice cake with 1 tbs of PB and warm protein shake.