Nokie. What I will say is, you are one of lifes rays of sunshine. Kind and warm-hearted, funny and obviously a great person to know and to have around in any situation.
You are someone that defines what being human is, because you have the character and personality, that is what a Human being should be like.
The world needs more people like you misses, and that's something you can be really proud of, but with that comes the reality that you will yourself, have moments where you feel too much emotion, or take on too much mental and emotional burden, because people who are very inhuman, don't do that. They are more disconnected and horrible and don't spend their time thinking of others, or emotionally reaching out and touching people, like a personality like you does.
I wouldn't call you a people pleaser, but someone that might possibly find saying no to others difficult and that can be hard when you take on too much, but fear the "no" word incase it upsets or hurts others.
Some people will possibly pray on that, because you don't tell them how you feel, when you take on too much, so they never know how it really is, and keep asking perhaps a little more than they should, bearing in mind all those people don't necessarily know each other, or if most do, they don't start discussing all the stuff you do with them to each other I daresay, so they won't be aware how much you do do.
However you need to start being a little more giving to yourself. It's a hard thing to do at first. A bit like trying to lose weight probably. To know when to say "I'm sorry I just can't" to people, and telling them you sometimes need a little more you time. With losing weight, it's about making people understand some of the indulgences have to be sidelined, and some time with them, must be sidelined to get that training time in as well. So it's about saying I need some me time, and I can't be everything you want me to be, because it's taking too much from me.
This is not selfish on your part, it's only selfish if you try to make people understand, in a polite and considerate manner, and they behave badly about it, like you're kicking them in ther teeth, or something like that.
It's not anyones right to expect more from you, than you can give, or can reasonably be expected to give.
You're also someone who will sometimes make mistakes. You're not 75. You're not wordly wise, and you're not a robot that's programmed to do things exactly as required day to day, so when you feel like you're letting people down, because you're at the limit, but you're not letting then down, or when you think you're screwing up, in instances when you're not; giving yourself emotional flagellation and emotionally self harming, is not a viable solution, as it just makes you feel worse than you already feel.
You're punishing yourself for things that are not your fault, but until you take some matters in hand, and firmly but politely get your message across, and let some people know how you're really feeling, and create that environment / social forum, to properly discuss your feelings with people, then intentionally or unintentionally, they will continue to place excessive demands on you, or interpret your wishes incorrectly, increasing stress, and emotional burden on you.
You are one seriously tough young Lady. You seriously, seriously, have been through a few physical problems in recent years, and had some tough stuff to go through, but you've kept your head high, chin up, and you've probably walked as tall as anyone can.
You are an inspiration to people and an emotionally beautiful person, but that amazing heart, and those amazing emotional qualities / gifts, are not limitless, and not there to be walked or trampled on, nor taken advantage of, but if you continue to give people the opportunity to do that, whether they know they're doing it or not, you will continue to hurt your own physical, emotional and mental progress.
So you need to find a way to find more inner balance, (not in a spiritual sense), and if it means getting people you care about, onside and making them understand what you sometimes need, want or deserve, within reason, then you must do that, and sooner rather than later, because procrastination, won't sort your problem out, it will just make it harder to tackle it, when you're nerve or bottle starts to wane, and your intentions become harder to act on, becasue your mindset on that starts to weaken.
I want to thank you for talking to us about your problem. I personally take that as a compliment, that we are considered worthy of your time and your trust and respect in how we would respond
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You have never failed to be a great asset, and a great part of this community, and I've always benn proud to share this site and a small part of myself, with a person like you, and certainly whenever it's necessary, you can contact me privately if needs be, and have a totally "unconditional" one to one, about anything at all, because what matters to me, is not just how people here progress and acheive physically, but how they feel inside as individuals.
Those mental and emotional aspects of self, are absolutely vital to a persons physical progress. Withoput proper harmonising or synchronisation of all three, that lack of synergy can reverse or kill a persons physical wants.
So I wish you a tonne of good luck with your situation. You deserve to be very proud of yourself, for the sort of person you are. That's worth an infintessimal amount, and it means so much to many people on here, but you still need to be more loving and forgiving with yourself okay
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You deserve to be happy, and deserve to feel special and cared about as well. That's a right not a privilege, so make use of your right, and see if you can't do something to help yourself, turn things around and get yourself feeling more like the person you want to and can be.
You ARE worth that time and effort, and emotional investiture in yourself, so keep believing and trusting in yourself and the power of YOU, interms of making those important changes happen, and you'll be okay soon enough.
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(Sorry, im just venting)
