well i recently eneded a very long relationship and im goin through a really tuff time right now ive lost ALOT of weight its hard for me to do anything anymore i just lay there n cry i dont even work out. I try to distract myself but i cant.
i dont need to get over her but i need to move on.
tips?
advice?
dealing w/ stress
Moderators: Boss Man, cassiegose
You need to distract yourself.
Working out will give you a partial release you need, to help you get over things.
You cannot allow your physical health to slide, for the sake of what you've gone through. Good physical health will help you to partly repair your emotional state, as you will promote more positive feelings like pride, achievement, and if you know people who go there, you maintain some cameraderie, and they don't need to know what you've gone through, but they can be there, to act as emotional supports if you want them too, just by getting involved in their stuff.
Time is going to be your greatest healer. You think you're screwed now, but in time you learn to move on. I've never been in your situation, but I've had moments where I've been in situations I regretted, and had to live with the fallout for some time, and it only gets easier by the day.
You have to immerse yourself in the things that derive much pleasure for you. Music, TV, Films, Working out, touching base with others you know, being around for others if you can, so you have familiar things you can find comfort in.
Don't start mesing up on your training and diet. That's destructive, and you'll only make things worse for yourself, you need familiarity, so you can give yourself a platform to improving your own state, and feelings of self worth.
Whatever she did to end it, you can't let her walk away with your self respect, dignity and feelings, you have to stand up and walk tall.
I'm not asking about why or how it happened, but If you're the one who's badly affected, unless it's something where you were forced apart by circumstance, I'm guessing she binned you, which is the most likely, in which case she's not going to think twice about you at all.
She's probably thought about you a bit for a few days, told a few friends and moved on, because she's had days to lead up to this, she'll have been prepared, you won't.
Nobody tells you they might bin you off, they'll let you know in a few days, if you're still worth it do they, so chances are she was more ready to move on as she'd have built up to it, and will get over it more.
So that's what you need to do. pick yourself up, get back into the things you enjoy doing, and don't let her take anything more than she already has had.
You're nice guy, so don't allow yourself to collapse. All you're doing is harming yourself, and making your physical health worse. It's a learning process and life is sometimes a total bitch, but you learn to deal with it. You get wise, you realise things you didn't know before, and most importantly as people we get up and walk on, if we're savvy enough, we don't stay down, and act like a badly kicked dog, because any decent human being doesn't deserve to live life, stuck in their own mind, feeling like half the person they used to be, or worse almost nothing at all, and unless you get a grip soon after the event, you end up just that. Consumed, damaged, broken, less human, and incapable of living properly, because your mind controls you too much.
You'll never get over this completely. You'll have times where little things trigger a memory, but if you don't act NOW, to change how you feel, you are going to be nothing more than an invertebrate guy, slthering through life, eating scraps of the human table.
You need to make a choice and soon, before life and your own emotions, take it away from you.
Good luck.
Working out will give you a partial release you need, to help you get over things.
You cannot allow your physical health to slide, for the sake of what you've gone through. Good physical health will help you to partly repair your emotional state, as you will promote more positive feelings like pride, achievement, and if you know people who go there, you maintain some cameraderie, and they don't need to know what you've gone through, but they can be there, to act as emotional supports if you want them too, just by getting involved in their stuff.
Time is going to be your greatest healer. You think you're screwed now, but in time you learn to move on. I've never been in your situation, but I've had moments where I've been in situations I regretted, and had to live with the fallout for some time, and it only gets easier by the day.
You have to immerse yourself in the things that derive much pleasure for you. Music, TV, Films, Working out, touching base with others you know, being around for others if you can, so you have familiar things you can find comfort in.
Don't start mesing up on your training and diet. That's destructive, and you'll only make things worse for yourself, you need familiarity, so you can give yourself a platform to improving your own state, and feelings of self worth.
Whatever she did to end it, you can't let her walk away with your self respect, dignity and feelings, you have to stand up and walk tall.
I'm not asking about why or how it happened, but If you're the one who's badly affected, unless it's something where you were forced apart by circumstance, I'm guessing she binned you, which is the most likely, in which case she's not going to think twice about you at all.
She's probably thought about you a bit for a few days, told a few friends and moved on, because she's had days to lead up to this, she'll have been prepared, you won't.
Nobody tells you they might bin you off, they'll let you know in a few days, if you're still worth it do they, so chances are she was more ready to move on as she'd have built up to it, and will get over it more.
So that's what you need to do. pick yourself up, get back into the things you enjoy doing, and don't let her take anything more than she already has had.
You're nice guy, so don't allow yourself to collapse. All you're doing is harming yourself, and making your physical health worse. It's a learning process and life is sometimes a total bitch, but you learn to deal with it. You get wise, you realise things you didn't know before, and most importantly as people we get up and walk on, if we're savvy enough, we don't stay down, and act like a badly kicked dog, because any decent human being doesn't deserve to live life, stuck in their own mind, feeling like half the person they used to be, or worse almost nothing at all, and unless you get a grip soon after the event, you end up just that. Consumed, damaged, broken, less human, and incapable of living properly, because your mind controls you too much.
You'll never get over this completely. You'll have times where little things trigger a memory, but if you don't act NOW, to change how you feel, you are going to be nothing more than an invertebrate guy, slthering through life, eating scraps of the human table.
You need to make a choice and soon, before life and your own emotions, take it away from you.
Good luck.
Last edited by Boss Man on Tue Oct 02, 2007 5:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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zerosktrkd
- ESTABLISHED MEMBER
- Posts: 116
- Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2007 11:44 pm
im starting to feel much better now.
its still hard cause not only was she girlfreind but she was best freind, nah i wasnt "binned" she just changed she has alot of stress w/ her family and she works now and has school and stuff just alot of stress but i became the person that she took all that out on and just trust issues she just coulndt trust me and had no reason not to. She just became the total opposite of the girl i fell in love w/. I just think she needs time to realize that. I just lost place. She just stopped telling me things like her problems and stuff. And i wanted to kno and eventually i pushed her to the point where she wanted space which was hard for me to give. She told me she didnt feel the way she used to. I just didnt want to deal w/ that. I would love to take her back but she needs to find herself again.
its still hard cause not only was she girlfreind but she was best freind, nah i wasnt "binned" she just changed she has alot of stress w/ her family and she works now and has school and stuff just alot of stress but i became the person that she took all that out on and just trust issues she just coulndt trust me and had no reason not to. She just became the total opposite of the girl i fell in love w/. I just think she needs time to realize that. I just lost place. She just stopped telling me things like her problems and stuff. And i wanted to kno and eventually i pushed her to the point where she wanted space which was hard for me to give. She told me she didnt feel the way she used to. I just didnt want to deal w/ that. I would love to take her back but she needs to find herself again.
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zerosktrkd
- ESTABLISHED MEMBER
- Posts: 116
- Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2007 11:44 pm
Maybe, maybe not, but you cannot hang on indefinitely.
You have to set yourself some kind of timeframe, and by then, if she's not willing to arbitrate over whether there is any possible future, you'll have to move on, or you'll be tormenting yourself for long time, holding on to a fruitless what if scenario.
You can't keep waiting or you'll deprive yourself of something else that's out there.
You have to set yourself some kind of timeframe, and by then, if she's not willing to arbitrate over whether there is any possible future, you'll have to move on, or you'll be tormenting yourself for long time, holding on to a fruitless what if scenario.
You can't keep waiting or you'll deprive yourself of something else that's out there.
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the_troooth
- STARTING OUT
- Posts: 25
- Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2007 7:55 pm
- Location: Ohio
ok buddy i know ur pain. all i can say is time really does heal all wounds. itll be a rollercoaster ride but it does get better. get in the gym, eat right, and in awhile youll start to see results. youll start feeling better in no time. plus your self esteem will go up as a result of it. trust me. 
goodluck
goodluck-
zerosktrkd
- ESTABLISHED MEMBER
- Posts: 116
- Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2007 11:44 pm