Starting Fresh :3

[musculArgirl2]

Like your demo reel Jena. Good luck with your you tube channel.

[Boss Man]

I'll politely decline your apology .

It's you life, you must do what is best. We'll still be here regardless so chin up, be strong and keep believing. You're beautiful and I am 100% certain you possess the mental and emotional sklls to reach your weight goals, as long as you keep believing and you keep giving as much of the required effort and attention ot the whole process, when it's required .

GOOD LUCK and be proud of yourself for being you. You've definitely moved forward in you own ability to express yourself and express more of the the beautiful sides of your personality and you deserve to be credited for that, because I know how in an emotional state of flux you were around 2-3 years ago and the sort of maelstrom of emotions you were living with and I feel you have progressed and you have become more emotionally settled and less up and down.

Give yourself more of the required time to continue to blossom, grow and progress as a sentient being Jena. Youre heart's a good thing to possess, because you've got enough emotional content to build a platform on and to build yourself up more emotionally and mentally. Your intelligence is beyond doubt and your personality to me is getting stonger and more expressive and expansive and I think you are letting yourself be more at ease with your emotions and allowing yourself to explore emotions and feelings you might have felt a bit scared or worried to think about and assess .

I'm happy for you and I'm sending you a BIG HUG, because you have always meant something to me, or I would have never commented on a single thing you've ever posted, if you gave me no emotional stimulation in the way(s), you were expressing yourself.

You will always be you deep down inside, but it will never have to feel like a punishment or a curse if you don't want it to be, just a beautiful journey of exploration and development if you choose to view it in that way .

Take care and best wishes.

[Alinshop]

Hey guys, no additional weight-loss since last update, but I'm doing better with eating. Getting frustrated with lack of progress since I've resumed eating like a normal human being. I have, however, started doing a Youtube thing with a couple of YouTube friends called #OtterWatch where I'm posting weekly check-in videos in order to have some people to hold myself accountable to that are also looking to get healthier. If you want to possibly check those out, you can see them on YouTube channel Sorry I've been largely missing when it comes to this forum! I try to keep up with y'all, I do read quite a bit of your posts, I just have been forgetting to actually update own stuff.

You have a Youtube channel....very cool stuff!

[MissJenaKay]

Hey guys! I'm back again. If you have been trying to keep an eye occasionally on Youtube thing, then you may know that I'm down to 208lbs. I'm SO close to being lower than 200 and it's so exciting. But at the same time, I'm finding it harder than ever to be okay with what I see in the mirror. mood swings and depression have been really bad as of late and I'm not exactly sure how to handle everything with the stress of getting ready for graduation and the terrifying hell that is "the adult world." Not sure much of what else to say, but I know that I'm gonna keep head down and I'm gonna keep working and I'm going to attempt to make some sort of something out of myself and life.

Boss: I appreciate all the well wishes and the insight into growth and blossoming into a better person, I'm going to have to politely deny that thought. I believe, I'm just getting better at internalising everything and shoving all feelings and fears and emotions into a little box and doing best to forget all about them.

Alinshop: Thanks!

[Boss Man]

Well if that's how you feel about yourself then that's fair enough, but even so, isn't that makng you a better person in some way, because instead of occasionally expressing yourself in a way that looks, bitchy, ungrateful, selfish or aggressive, you actually internalise things, thereby managing to develop better control of your emotions and in turn displaying behaviour that looks more regulated and less spasmodic or random to others.

So I still feel after your admission, thoughts about you as a person are still in some way(s) valid and I stand by them, but of course you are still free to politely decline this theory of mine, as I won't mind, whether your denial represents not wanting to accept what could be the truth as I see it, or whether it represents a misinterpretation of the actual truth by me .

[MissJenaKay]

Hello all, back again! It's been a while, but I've been trying best to keep on track. I've gained 2lbs back, but not any noticeable mass. I have also noticed that I seem to be developing loose skin on upper thighs, tricep area, and the lower part of . Everything is just getting a little jigglier. Which is making me question methods and making me want to find new ways to remedy the problem because it makes me really self-conscious to have the jiggliness from skin being too loose. I've been trying to research ways to help get rid of it, but there are so many contradicting arguments about it that I'm not sure what to try. Any recommendations from the folks here by any chance? In other news, tomorrow I will have last ever final critique at Uni and Wednesday I'll be in a on way back to NY. It's absolutely terrifying thinking about the future because I feel like I'm not at all ready to leave university. We'll see what happens though.

[musculArgirl2]

Congratulations on finishing school and i'm sure having great grades also Jena! That's awesome. Good luck with the future too. I have no suggestions on loose skin. I know boss will though and you could probably do a search for past comments on loose or extra skin. They might be helpful.

[Boss Man]

Loose skin can be a symptom of rapid weight loss, because the skin doesn't get a chance to reshape properly to the bodies contours.

However it can also be symptomatic of the loss of elastin quality, as elastin is a springy substance in the body that promotes skin re-modelling, but if some of it becomes snapped like a rubber band, because of too much stretching then it can't reshape properly and you might require skin removal surgery in the future.

One thing that will promote more tightening of the bodies shape would be muscle building, as 1lb of muscle will burn an extra 45-50 calories a day and is therefore beneficial in positively enhancing the bodies appearance.

[musculArgirl2]

I saw your most recent vlog i believe Jena about your struggles your dealing with. Just thought i would tell you, your not alone! and i hope everything improves and get better. you have SO MUCH going for you!! truly!! i wish i had a small little incy bit of your talent and drive and smarts. take care.

[MissJenaKay]

Hello, all! Long time no see? I know, I know, I've pretty much disappeared off the face of the planet for almost a whole year now. Good news is that I haven't /really/ fallen off the wagon or anything, but the bad news is that I also have not lost any weight at all. Oops. I mean, I guess I've gained about 2 pounds, but after a whole year with no access to a gym or anything, I think that more or less maintaining weight is still pretty good. I've not been lazing about either, I've recently come to kinda enjoy running. As in I've been dabbling in it with the help of the free version of an app called "5k Runner". I haven't been hating it either, except for the fact that I hate when people are out walking dogs or anything because I really hate the idea of anyone bearing witness to jogging. I think I'm going to do best to start posting daily food diary onto here to help keep me accountable for doing it. I mean, I've been mostly tracking food and such on myfitnesspal, so I've still been trying to keep an eye on it, but I haven't really felt like I'm being held accountable for it by myself.

So, here's to me attempting to make 2015 year. first goal for the year is to be under 200lbs by 3 year anniversary with Scotsman (Which is June 23rd by the way) and I definitely think it's doable if I even try at all since I'm sitting at 218.3 as of today. I've also been managing to shrug off responsibility to myself because I've not been weighing in regularly at all. I'm just trying to get myself into some sort of routine since depression has been acting up really badly and chronically since last vlog-type thing that Becky mentioned before.

Moving back "home" has been really hard on me for a lot of reasons, but the lack of structure in life is definitely not helping at all with pretty much any of aspects of life. Sure, life isn't completely structureless considering I've been working a lot since I've been home. (I even got a promotion at work in July) But being that I work retail, it is pretty much the opposite of a structured routine due to the fact that I never have the same schedule twice. I'm trying to squeeze at least two workouts into each week, which I know is not enough, but with new position at work, I'm spending a lot of time lifting, walking, assembling, disassembling, climbing up and down ladders and, well, if there is a manual labour aspect of anything to be done at work, I'm the one that has to do it (or ends up getting conned into doing it), so even though I'd like to work out more, I figure that it's not the end of the world since job is essentially a 5-9 hour workout about 5 days a week.

Other than that, I can't really think of any more life updates really. Sorry to have disappeared on you guys, but hopefully this will be homecoming and I'll stick around and post more frequently.

[MissJenaKay]

Today: (I'll edit again later since the day isn't actually done, but I'll just go ahead and start it and hopefully remember to edit later. )

Breakfast:
A cup of coffee with 2tbs of french vanilla creamer and a packet of truvia sweetener (70Cal | 3g Fat | 12g Carbs | 0g Protein)
A peanut butter granola bar (90Cal | 5g Fat | 10g Carbs | 1.5g Protein)

Mid-morning:
Another cup of coffee with 2tbs of french vanilla creamer and a packet of truvia sweetener (70Cal | 3g Fat | 12g Carbs | 0g Protein)

Lunch:
Didn't have lunch

Mid-Afternoon:
Another cup of coffee with 2tbs of french vanilla creamer and a packet of truvia sweetener (70Cal | 3g Fat | 12g Carbs | 0g Protein)

Supper:
Whole Grain Angel Hair Pasta with homemade meat sauce and parmesan cheese (568Cal | 21g Fat | 53g Carbs | 40.2g Protein)

Evening:
Special K Protein Snack Bar - Fruit and Greek Yogurt (110Cal | 3g Fat | 17g Carbs | 4g Protein)
3 Slices cheese (120Cal | 9g Fat | 1g Carbs | 8g Protein)


Daily Totals:
Calories: 1098
Fat: 46g
Carbs: 117g
Sugar: 58g
Fiber: 14g
Protein: 54g

(I split out carbs because I think it's important to see where carbs are coming from)

Edit: I realise that intake is really low today, I didn't realise how little I had eaten until I edited the post to add in evening snacks, but it's a bit late to try and make up calories since I'm getting ready to go to bed.
---------

Workout: 45min of DDR which amounts to approximately 350 calories burned

(Lately, I've hardly been eating really all over, there are days where I hardly eat anything, and other days where I eat really poorly (sweets are biggest downfall)

P.S. if anyone wants to add me on myfitnesspal, I think it's relatively popular so maybe you guys will have it as well, username is missjenakayy (yes, two ys because I didn't realise the typo before joining, oops!)

[musculArgirl2]

Nice to see you back Jena. I welcome it for sure. this place has been a ghost town lately.

[Boss Man]

Number 1. No need to apologise for anything Jena, because it's your life and you had to do whatever you thought was best in the last 12 months, so you've absolutely nothing to apologise to me for and I've read everything you've posted from day one and at times taken the brunt of what were probably your strongest feelings / emotions and never thought you needed to apologise for any of it, because I believed deep down you never truly 100% meant anything you said that came across as dark / volatile, so we will always be good sweetheart, always .

Number 2. CONGRATULATIONS on your promotion. I appreciate you might not feel 100% comfortable with whatever working situation you have now, but it proves someone valued you enough to give it to you and you're only about 21, so a promotion of any kind at your age is a big positive I think .

As for working out twice a week, yes it's not as ideal as it could be, but it has some potential for some kind of progress, which once a week could never do, so it's not completely pointless to workout twice a week, unless it's the rubbishy twenty reps on a pec deck with two plates kind of stuff, as that would do next to nothing three times a week, let alone twice a week .

At least managing to keep your weight fairly static is good, unless that is your body found a natural plateau based on your circumstances and you wouldn't have gone above that, but if you've stabilised at a weight that is lower than your heaviest ever weight, then that's definitely a good thing and I'm assuming that's the situation now .

We will be here for you as always and no matter what sort of person you've come across as at times and how moody and dark you've seemed, I've also recognised someone that at times you can be one of the sweetest, most beautiful people you could come across and it's always that part of you I noticed the most, because I saw the potential for that side of you to grow more and become the greatest part of you and I still think that now as I write this .

I'm sorry you have been having to cope with depressive feelings as of late, but I am certain you will come through them and you will prevail and I'm sending you a BIG HUG, because right now for some of the things you told us, I'm extremely proud of you and you should be proud of you too .

You're not nor ever have been a completely broken mess Jena, trust me on that, you're just a little cracked at the seams, but because I think most of who you are is whole and intact, there's a chance for some or all of the cracks to be mended with time and the chance for you to find and experience more of the person you've always, always deserved to be .

So keep your chin up sweetheart and never stop believing in yourself, because you've been a colourful character, to put it politely, for a long time now and I appreciate it's mostly not been your fault, but you've always been worth more than I think you realised in the past and always been worth the time and attention that people like me gave you and would give you again and until fate or you decree, I will never give up on you, because I believe the person you truly deserve to be is waiting to be found and it's not about how long it takes, but about how much it takes and how much you can realistically give to become that person .

GOOD LUCK and best wishes Jena and remember you ARE worth it and you ALWAYS have been .

P.S. I had to double check the end of your last post, because I thought it said "I spit out carbs"

[MissJenaKay]

Becky: I noticed that as I was poking around, I'll do best to keep you company around here from here on out!

Boss: To point 1: being that I was significantly younger (physically and mentally), mixed in with depression and other issues definitely played major factors in behaviour back when I used to come across so volatile. It's actually really embarrassing for me to think of the way I used to act, but I think almost everyone gets like that about their younger selves sometimes.

Point 2 (which is quite a few points you packed into one, there, hun. ;P): Thanks! job isn't a really huge step up or anything, but it's better pay and more hours and more responsibilities (which I actually enjoy because endless days of just working in the fitting room or recovering which was the least fulfilling experience I've had working), and as a 22-year-old, I think I am the youngest "position holding" person in store, so I'm pretty proud of that. However, I'm still applying and keeping fingers crossed that I'll get into the animation field in some capacity soon! (I'm actually even working on a short film in spare time to try and keep myself practised and make myself more attractive to prospective employers.

As for the weight maintenance, I know that I'm definitely not at "natural plateau" as you called it since heaviest weight was about 32lbs heavier if I recall correctly, and I'm glad that I've not gotten anywhere near there again.


All in all, thanks for all the love and support guys, it means a lot! I'm trying to make 2015 year, so in addition to fitness goals, I'm also aiming to be out of retail before the next holiday season. Mainly because I can only stomach so many customers telling me that I ruined [insert relative here]'s Christmas because I did not have a particular item in stock three days before Christmas, haha. I'm a very sweet and accommodating retail associate, but I get really tired of customers being huge jerks for no reason.

[Boss Man]

Don't feel embarrassed about your former self Jena, because you've never had a straight forward life and what with having to deal with uncertainty, concerns, worries and fears about the future at times and the pressures of higher education, those things could logically have been likely to cause you to be someone, who could have been living in a state of emotional and mental flux sometimes, which you were I think.

So don't be embarrassed, because you being that 18/19 year old, was partly down to your history and not because you reveled in being a student and were going through a rebellious phase. I presume you just never really had a chance to get what many would see as a normal grounding in life and you were never seriously at fault for that person you were, you were just someone trying hard to make sense of the emerging adult you were starting to become and the life and direction through it you were still unsure of.

Be proud of how far you've come and the fact you're a high ranking employee with animation ambitions and a scots man in your life who clearly doesn't care about who you were, because he seemingly adores you for the best of you and the best of you is incredibly beautiful and you deserve a big for just being you now, compared to 3-4 years ago, because that's a superb achievement in it's own way and I'm really proud of you and I think your scots man has chosen himself a 24 carat sweetheart and you deserve the good things in your life 10,000,000%.

No matter how much you went through and dealt with to get to this point, you're who you are now, because of your own self belief, heart and intelligence and now you're getting some of the just rewards in life you were always worth .