Hit 40 and feel discouraged...

[syracusa]

Hello everyone,

I am 100% new here and I am not sure where to go for some cutting-edge advice about aging and getting back in shape.

I turned 40 in December and I was unpleasantly surprised to realize that I DO care. If you had asked me about age or worrying about "getting old" just a few months ago when I still had an age that started with 3, I would have dismissed you as being one of these contemporary narcissists who just obsess over looks and can't accept to simply age gracefully. Now I am biting tongue and apologizing because I feel how I am gradually starting to become one of those Narcissists I used to despise just a few months ago.

For starters, now at 40 - I have reached the highest weight I have EVER been - which is 186 lbs at 5'7" height. I know this sounds like a lot but I have always been a person who weighs a whole lot more than she looks, as I have a sturdier frame, bigger bones, etc. However, ideal weight is between 150-155 lbs so now I am quite far from that. At 155 I look as good as I could ever hope and I am very pleased with what I see at that level, with the caveat that I can always use extra toning;
but at 186lbs....that's already a lot! (Picture shows me at 186).

Two years ago, when children were 5 and 2, I lost about 20 pounds after I started a Candida diet. I was diagnosed with perleche which was this reddish, unsightly thing at the corner of mouth and I was given some topical anti-fungal cream without avail. Then I read on some health forums that unless I do a completely carb-free diet for a coup;e of months, that thing is not going to go away. So for the sake of getting rid of that unsightly redness at the corner of the mouth - not for losing weight - I started the unthinkable for me, which was to give up any form of carb completely for almost 2 months. The hardest part was having no fruit at all...but all in all, it was unbelievable to see the pounds literally melting every day...and I hadn't even done this for weight loss.

Then, seeing the miracle, I added some exercise and I got to about 163 pounds...8 pounds away from ideal weight. Soon after that though, life happened again: kids started school, lots of pressure from work, no time to exercise or to eat sensibly as opposed to comfort foods on the go...and because I am what I call a "revenge eater" and deal with stress by eating all sorts of no-no foods (usually breads and sweets), all those pounds I had shed with the carb-free diet came right back in 2 years top - with 4 extra compared to where I had started two years ago. Oh, the joy.

So a few weeks ago, after I reached 40 and realized I weigh more than I ever did, I decided to go back to eating nicely, exercising and going back to beloved 155 lbs. Except that those who say it is harder after 40, they were clearly not kidding.
When I did the carb-free diet two years ago, I DID understand that was only a temporary thing and that it was neither normal nor healthy to eat like this for the long term. I couldn't have lasted without fruits for more than 6 weeks anyway. But now I wanted to do it again just to have a nice jump start - but it is simply not working anymore. Not only that I literally cannot stand eliminating absolutely all forms of carbs anymore (I am losing minds without) but the scale is hardly moving.

Generally speaking, I eat lots of vegetable soups, salads and fruits - and most of the times I do fresh meals cooked from scratch. The trouble is that I tend to ADD to what is generally a very healthy way of eating, all sorts of late night snacks, treats and Lord knows what else - outside of the official, very healthy meals we all eat at the table.
Especially when evening comes and we collapse on the couch to watch something after a day of hamster wheeling and dealing with the kids... body screams for some comfort foods; and when I say comforts I really DO mean comfort: as in cakes with cream or sandwiches with lots of cheese...the seriously "happy" stuff.
Fresh bread out of the oven is Heaven on Earth and when I am stressed out I think I could eat mountains of it.

On the fitness side - I am superbly out of shape right now. Years ago, before kids, I used to be very fit, of course - 150 lbs, greats looks, loads of compliments, the works. Over time, with kids added into the mix, time to exercise was reduced to basically zero.
I have a pear-shaped type of body but waist had always been major asset. For the first time ever, I started to add significant fat around the middle and to see waist turning into a fluffy tube instead. This was the final straw for me as I clearly can't let this happen.

I have also become incredibly inflexible and when I went to a yoga-pilates class at the Y recently, I thought it was the hardest thing I could ever undertake. 70 yo women in class were doing clearly way better than I did.

All this being said: do you have any advice? I have been so out of the "beauty-aging-fitness" world for so long, because I didn't care much at all, that I don't even know how to approach this project of getting back in shape. Should I jump start with another carb-free diet to see some results sooner? Should I just eat sensibly and exercise more - although this would not work for me because I can only allocate very little time for exercise. Never mind that it is terribly depressing when I give up all comfort foods, eat all "goody-goody", and STILL don't see the scale moving.

Whatever you think I should do...please feel free to throw any advice in direction...

Thank you so much...

[Boss Man]

Hi there Cora, good to talk to you.

Firstly, CONGRATULATIONS on finding the courage, to accept what you were willing to dismiss so readily just months ago. Wanting to be healthy or improve the appearance through health, is not really a narcissitic thing, except maybe for the guy 6-pac thing, rather than just having flat hidden abs instead

Secondly you're a beautiful married Lady, so try not to be too hard on yourself .

I will start by asking a few questions.

1. How long per day could you give to exercise?

2. Do you have access to a gym, or would you prefer to exercise at home mainly?

3. What foods do you eat and what times do you eat? Basically what does a typical daily meal plan look like.

Hopefully we as a community can help you to further your own efforts and whatever we can do we will try.

Best wishes and GOOD LUCK .

[syracusa]

1. How long per day could you give to exercise?

Oh, Goodness. We are probably talking more like a few times a week at best - at least in terms of time especially allocated for exercising. However, I hope to start walking 1st grader to school as soon as the weather gets a bit better (and in the South it should do that soon). It is about 15 minutes to, 15 minutes fro - brisk pace.

2. Do you have access to a gym, or would you prefer to exercise at home mainly?

Yes, I have access to a gym, not far at all....but what I don't have access to is time to do so. At home, I would not have the right space or equipment.

3. What foods do you eat and what times do you eat? Basically what does a typical daily meal plan look like.

Like I said, I love many "good" foods - like vegetable soups, salads and fruits. The trick is I also love the "bad" ones, like bread (as in "lots of it"), sweets (like cakes, croissants, etc), carb-based snacks of all sorts.

I try to eat at three times a day...but unfortunately I sneak in between-meals snacks.

Typical day:

Breakfast: some yogurt, kefir with nuts, or egg, or a sandwich...just a little something, then coffee. In general, I am hardly hungry in the morning.
Mid-morning snack: fruit, sometimes cheese and bread, etc.
Lunch: soup cooked from scratch at home or whatever other entree I cooked.
Dinner: Entree (casserole, stews, etc), with some carb (potatoes, rice, polenta, bread), always a salad and fruit.
Late evening: can't help it and end up with trouble foods, such as "Nachos and cheese" husband makes for himself (unlike me, he is in phenomenal shape at the age of 48), or again cheese on bread, or some sweet I desperately run for at the 24/7 grocery store which is too close for own good).

I usually mess it up late in the evening.

I don't do the late-at-night-sweet-from-the-grocery-store every night but over the past half a year I had done it often enough.

[Boss Man]

Oh, Goodness. We are probably talking more like a few times a week at best - at least in terms of time especially allocated for exercising. However, I hope to start walking 1st grader to school as soon as the weather gets a bit better (and in the South it should do that soon). It is about 15 minutes to, 15 minutes fro - brisk pace.

(That is a good thing, because it sounds like you're really limited. However I could give you something quick and simple to do at home.

Squats, 2 sets 10 reps.

Lunges, 2 sets 10 reps.

Deadlifts, 2 sets 10 reps.

Vertical Flyes, 2 sets 10 reps.

Bent over Rows, 2 sets 10 reps.

Shrugs, 2 sets 10 reps.

Planks 45 seconds.

This should take approximately 20 minutes give or take and you would do this 3x a week, every other day. If you found evenings worked best for this, than that's good, if doing it earleir intereferes with school times or other things like shopping times or work. It sounds however like you might not be able to do this through time constraints, but I think this would be a workable solution and it requires virtually no space at all.

If you're unsure about some of the movements, just ask and I'll try as I think best to describe them to you )

Like I said, I love many "good" foods - like vegetable soups, salads and fruits. The trick is I also love the "bad" ones, like bread (as in "lots of it"), sweets (like cakes, croissants, etc), carb-based snacks of all sorts.

I try to eat at three times a day...but unfortunately I sneak in between-meals snacks.

Typical day:

Breakfast: some yogurt, kefir with nuts, or egg, or a sandwich...just a little something, then coffee. In general, I am hardly hungry in the morning.

(I'd go for the Kefir and Nuts with an Egg, as that will be good for the calories and a good nutritional all rounder. You could also add a piece of fruit in here like a satsuma or a small portion of grapes or cherries as examples. Try avoiding the higher carb ones with this meal like apple and banana.)

Mid-morning snack: fruit, sometimes cheese and bread, etc.

(You could have the sandwich here instead of with breakfast, so you're getting a good calorie intake with this meal.)

Lunch: soup cooked from scratch at home or whatever other entree I cooked.

(Soup is fine)

(Have a mid afternoon snack and have the salad and fruit here, instead of with Dinner, as they are quick to make and you could pre-prepare the salad the night before if you're a bit stuck for time. I'd have something like an apple, a small banana or 2/3 a pear, as salads can be very low calorie and the fruit choices I've given you are not too high carb, but better than really low carb, so you get more useful calories and nutrients without too much carb increase.)

Dinner: Entree (casserole, stews, etc), with some carb (potatoes, rice, polenta, bread), always a salad and fruit.

(Casserole is a good meaty inclusion, but you might want to go a bit easy on the potato or rice. Consider a reduced by not eliminated rice or potato portion and consider factoring in lower GI carb sources in there like carrot, beans, onions, cabbage etc, to compensate for the reduced carbs.)

Late evening: can't help it and end up with trouble foods, such as "Nachos and cheese" husband makes for himself (unlike me, he is in phenomenal shape at the age of 48), or again cheese on bread, or some sweet I desperately run for at the 24/7 grocery store which is too close for own good).

(This can be averted, by having low calorie, better alternatives to choose from in the house. Try alternatives like yoghurt, a small handful of nuts or peanuts, low fat cheese, or a couple of carrot sticks with something like chicken, ham, turkey or beef from a packet as examples.

Also consider locking and bolting your front door after dinner. If your husband does go out in the evenings, let him ring the bell to get in, but if you try to go out you'll have to physically unlock the door and then you'll hopefully have a conscious trigger, making you question why you're going out and then with any luck you'll be able to convince yourself not to do it, especially if you have pre-approved food alternatives in the house, as opposed to 24/7 stuff that might not be good for you.)

Hopefully that all makes sense .