I feel terrible... need a friend

Boss Man · Post by **Boss Man** » Mon Apr 20, 2009 12:43 pm

I agree. The fun thing you mentioned might seem nice, but you don't know how some guys might take it. For them fun could become a slap in the face, if they assume too much about how serious it's getting, and get told no ot the commitment.

Some guys could take that very and unpredictably badly.

Plus some circumstances might leave you questioning yourself.

To me, given the nature of the person you are, I don't think you need to be considering company right now. However if you did, I think you could be setting your sights quite high, because you deserve someone befitting of your human qualities, and goofing around with guys I don't think is the answer.

You're too classy to be a manteaser or a cheap flirt

clare_1 · Post by **clare_1** » Mon Apr 20, 2009 1:18 pm

Yeh ur right. Its just not me. But kinda wish i could just not care.

|Im doing good though and friends have been great. Im very lonely though.

Boss Man · Post by **Boss Man** » Mon Apr 20, 2009 1:24 pm

I empathise with your situation. I do believe though it WILL get easier in time.

Chin up and very best wishes. Your new soon to be nursing role, and your Son, are great positives to focus on, and definitely feel proud about.

The only man you need right now, is your little man child. You and he will no doubt be just fine.

kimgohan · Post by **kimgohan** » Wed Apr 22, 2009 3:15 pm

I really missed this one, just came back from vacation. Well, I honestly know the situation with regards of "Nurse Schedule" especially the "Grave Shift". wife is a nurse with 12hour "Grave Shifts" from Thursday Night to Monday Night, and I work got a regular week schedule (8-5). It was really hard to be in that situation since we got two kids. Daycare is our solution during daytime of Monday, Thursday and Friday. Since she need to have her proper sleep without worrying our kids will be having domestic problem. We don't have this typical weekend family getaway because of the schedule. So as a piece of advice for you, and I hope it might help you. Since probably I'm one foot on the same situation of your "ex". Typical question coming up to us is... "Do you love me that's why you need me?" or "Do you need me because you love me?". Especially you mentioned you are not married and the kid is not his. I don't know about your both financial status. But sometimes this affect a "Man's Ego" a breadwinner issue per say. Don't get me wrong defending him. I just want to share a possible feeling on his shoe. He might feel that he is just like a baby sitter or domestic partner. So, on your situation I might say you might build a strong relationship first before commiting. What I mean is you "both" know each other and of course with the kid. Set your priorities together never assume. Always have a good communication. and probably since your a "Night Shift" if possible to have a good breakfast and dinner will help. Because that what we are doing. For me, it was sometimes hard to accept as a "GUY" that comes home after work then wife will be gone for work. But we overcome to it because I myself accept that this is the path of life I choose. Being selfish is no room for me. I enjoy every moment with her and kids.
Goodluck on the next stage of life. as other says enjoy life. Especially you have son which is 5 years old. He was on stage of gathering knowledge. And that age also has a strong sense of feelling. He sense your feelings, so don't show him your lonesome because he might blame himself. And as for now just hire a baby sitter/nanny for night for your kid. But choose wisely and I know you can do it. A woman can lift more than 3 pounds is a strong woman. Cheer-up and always remeber it's not you lose, it's his.

clare_1 · Post by **clare_1** » Wed Apr 22, 2009 3:27 pm

Kimgohan, thankyou for your advice but i dont know where you got your info from. I am a nurse but do not work nights. All ex did in the way of childcare was to pick him up from school or drop him off at the most twice a week and he would look after him for an hour.

This was not the issue. The issues where me wanting a family in the next few years and him not really wanting one at all. And he wanted to be out getting legless with his mates whereas i thought once a week to do that was reasonable.

So again thanks for trying but you are misinformed.

Anyway im doing good. he keeps texting with all the usual i love and miss u etc. But im not taking him on. Its cos its during the week and his little friends only play out at weekends. You can guarantee at the weekend i wont hear a peep!!!

I have found a friend who wants to share mine and sons holiday with me so thats fab. Plus shes giving me a couple of hundred which helps a lot. And ex hubby decided to give me some money out of the blue which is good and ex (confusing or what) gave me the money he owes me. So things are looking up.

Got weighed at the gym after a lot of comments that i looked like i had lost weight and im down to 117lbs!!!! Dunno how it happened as i have been eating reasonably well, although i have been eating for necessity rather then enjoyment. So since Jan(?) ive gone from 132lbs to 117lbs. Woah.

So im out with the girls on friday night and am looking forward to it. Definitely leaving mobile phone at home though!!!

kimgohan · Post by **kimgohan** » Thu Apr 23, 2009 12:35 pm

apology for being misinformed. And thankful that now you are in good condition (physically and emotionally). Just keep it up and wishing all the best for you and your son. And in opinion, you don't deserve a guy who will be self centered you deserve much more better than that.

Again sorry if I was mis informed.

Jessielynn25 · Post by **Jessielynn25** » Thu Apr 23, 2009 1:37 pm

sorry it wll get better in time ur better off in opinion best of luck