Jena's Journal.

[Boss Man]

What are those things? If we know what she's doing we can better advise.

[MissJenaKay]

The things she's doing: She gets naked whenever she feels like it; she stays up really late, keeping me awake; she eats food without asking, she invites people over without asking; her guests put their things all over side of the room; she talks on the phone very late at night; she makes stupid comments that are rude; yesterday, after I nicely sewed some of her shirts she had the nerve to tell me later "You know, you really oughta vacuum." I'm NOT the only person living in this room and she's acting like it's HER place, but she has none of the responsibility.

[Bonnie]

I so don't miss the days of youth & roomates...

[MissJenaKay]

9:02 Wake Up

9:15
-- 2 slice oven roasted deli turkey
-- 1 stick string cheese

9:30 Workout
-- Dumbell Squats: 2 sets of 15 at 10lbs per DB
-- Lunges: 2 sets of 12 at 10lbs per DB
-- Hamstring Curls: 2 sets of 12 at 50lbs
-- Lower Back: 2 sets 12 at 70 lbs
-- Chest Press: 2 sets of 12 at 30 lbs
-- Rows: 2 sets of 12 at 30lb
-- Bicep Curls: 2 set of 12 at 20lb
-- Shoulder Press: 2 sets of 12 at 20 lbs

10:07
-- 1/2 Ham and Mozzarella Sandwich :: Ham, Mozzarella, Romaine Lettuce, Dijonnaise Dressing on Whole wheat
-- 10 oz Fat Free Milk with 1 scoop whey protein


Bonnie :: I definitely don't think I'll miss them once they're gone. I'm just hoping that I get a good roommate next year... Both that I've had this year suck...

[MissJenaKay]

Yeah, I failed yesterday. Lol. Today will be different! I promise! I'm also going to start putting basic nutrition facts up with posts. I can only put them up for food that I buy from stores, but it's better than nothing, right? Also, let me know, should I write the breakdown of the carbs, like sugar and fibre?
8:22 Wake up

8:25
-- 6 oz Chobani Greek Yogurt (Vanilla) [[Cal 120, Fat 0, Carbs 13 - Fiber 0 Sugar 12, Protein 16]]
-- 3 oz Baby Carrot (approximately 3 oz anyway) [[Cal 35, Fat 0, Carbs 18 - Fibre 2 Sugar 5, Protein 1]]

10:02 (Needed something warm and yummy to wake me up)
-- 8 oz Fat Free Milk [[Cal 90, Fat 0, Carbs 12 - Fibre 0 Sugar 12, Protein 8]]
-- 1 serving Irish Cream Cappuccino Mix [[Cal 110, Fat 2, Carbs 22 Fibre 0 sugar 12, Protein 1]]

10:47
-- 1 stick Low Fat String Cheese [[Cal 60, Fat 2.5, Carbs 1 - Fibre 0 Sugar 0, Protein 8]]
-- 3 slices Oven Roasted Turkey Deli Meat [[Cal 22.5, Fat .25, Carbs <.5 - Fibre 0 Sugar 0, Protein 4]]

1:05
-- Salad (Not sure how much, just like... a salad lol) :: Spinach, Chicken, Sunflower Seeds, Cranberries, Egg, Garbanzo Beans, Carrot, Cucumber, Cheese, Pineapple, Papaya, Strawberries, Italian Dressing [[No clue]]

4:19
-- Burrito Bowl :: Pork, Rice, Black beans, corn, sauteed peppers and onions, cheese, sourcream [[No clue]]

8:10
-- 1 stick Low Fat String Cheese [[Cal 60, Fat 2.5, Carbs 1 - Fibre 0 Sugar 0, Protein 8]]
-- 3 slices Oven Roasted Turkey Deli Meat [[Cal 22.5, Fat .25, Carbs <.5 - Fibre 0 Sugar 0, Protein 4]]

[fit-fanatic-2025]

Your doing so good getting up earlier! Its more difficult for you being in school and having prepared food and a lot of tempation but you can do it!

[MissJenaKay]

Rebekah :: Thanks! I've been trying hard, I think it's the fact that I actually have something to do during the day that is worth getting up for.

Les :: Thanks.

On a side note. I need to think befoer I write things because I've been saying the dumbest things today.

[Boss Man]

She gets naked whenever she feels like it;

she stays up really late, keeping me awake;

she eats food without asking,

(Put labels on your food and / or put it on a different shelf to hers, so it's less easy to confuse it, assuming it's her being confused and not deliberately doing it.)

she invites people over without asking;

her guests put their things all over side of the room;

she talks on the phone very late at night;

she makes stupid comments that are rude; yesterday, after I nicely sewed some of her shirts she had the nerve to tell me later "You know, you really oughta vacuum." I'm NOT the only person living in this room and she's acting like it's HER place, but she has none of the responsibility.

(Why not put a sign up on your wall, saying something like "respect space please", in big capital letters, then if she asks what you mean, you can politely tell her your problems with her. She might be more willing to understand you, if she knows how you feel, but she won't, if she doesn't.

If she continues to do some or all of the aforementioned things regardless, as if you don't exist or have no right to comment, then report her, because she would have no right in that instance, to assume dominance over the living space, as it's 50/50.)

[MissJenaKay]

The thing, with the food.... We DO put our stuff on separate shelves. I'd feel like a jerk putting a sign up like that considering it's pretty much begging her to ask about it.

[Athene]

I'm definitely stealing the advice regarding conciliatory confrontation tactics!

Having a roommate must be hell sometimes.

[Nokie173]

Ah… I remembered 1st roommate in the dorms… I NEVER had a roommate before. Why… oh why did she bring a guy she just met from the internet in to our room??? (He even slept there too!!!!) Few days later brought alcohol (We were only 18… legal age is 21) Ahhh… Terrible!
(Nokie was a passive girl who wouldn’t speak up for herself at the time….) So, it was 6 weeks of living HELL…. If I would have spoken up at the time, things would have been better and I wouldn’t have to be tortured…

After that… I had great roommates and I did confronted them at times… Nowadays.. I speak up all the time… even too much sometimes.. hehehe

Sometimes roommate situations can affect your school work due to useless stress!

The advices above are good…!!!!

[Athene]

Luckily only roommate throughout university has been husband, and he's really respectful of space and "study rituals"/procrastination tactics! Hopefully Jena can bring out the big guns and be assertive. How's it going Jena?

[MissJenaKay]

Hello, everyone. It's been a very long time since I was here last, well, not terribly long, but longer than I normally would leave things. But there's a lot going on... (See response to Athene for details. **DISCLAIMER** I've written a few things there that may brother people, just to warn you. Sorry if I bother anyone with that paragraph). Also, I tried to respond to everyone, if I haven't.... sorry. I'll get to it once I notice I haven't responded....

I kind of agree with the sign, it's a bit passive aggressive. And I know you're going to hate suggestion, but ... well here goes (:

You have to be firm and say what you want. Not aggressive or harsh, and not meek and apologetic. Put everything on yourself and use "I" statements. This keeps the aggression out and keeps things from getting harsh. You also want to stand straight, not fidget and keep eye contact. This will help you be more calm and confident, and people will take you more seriously. In line of work we do a lot of counseling, and these are some of the techniques we use (as counselors) to help with our "cagier" clients (:

I honestly can't bring myself to confront her. I'm too shy, too scared, and too much of a people pleaser.

I know that I need to get up earlier than you, and it would be a big help to me if you could take your calls in the hall if they come in after 11pm (or whatever).

I try hard to keep things neat and organized, and sometimes when we have guests I think stuff gets rearranged. Is there a way we could keep space protected when people come over?
[Yeah. Not going there. ]

This is fav, I do it with roommate ALL the time. She's a sweetheart, just a bit ditzy (she piles big dry trash, like bottles, boxes and smaller trash bags outside the big trashcan instead of just dropping it in the dumpster on her way downstairs):
Hey! Doesn't the bathroom look great? I really scrubbed in there today. Do you think you could vacuum when you get a sec? I understand you may not have a bathroom, but you understand the point. I actually just used this one about an hour ago. "Check it out, Morgue! NO GARBAGE! I didn't get a chance to wipe down the kitchen counters though, can you do that while I pick up the living room?" You can also do this when she's there. "Hey do you think you could run the garbage out for me real quick? I'm going to vacuum." "Yeah sure, I can sew those buttons back on. I was just going to tidy up though. Could you help me out while I get these buttons taken care of?"

I know we have totally different schedules, but do you think you could use your desk lamp at night and then when I get up in the morning I can wear headphones/keep the lights low? That way maybe you can sleep in a bit.

You may also want to talk to a resident advisor. They have been trained in creative problem solving and they may be able to give you a few more ideas or come up with a solution that you can both work with. Remember, you may have to sacrifice something, but at least the situation would be livable. apartment isn't kept in nearly the order that I would like, but it's cleaner than Morgue would keep it on her own. We both sacrificed a bit and are much happier for it!

[I really don't want to inconvenience anyone. I'd much rather be the inconvenienced one. It's just how I feel. I'm so much that way that I won't even tell mom when I'm upset or anything like that because I don't want to bother her. I keep everything to myself. I'll vent to people online and whatnot because I know it's not going to cause them any real trouble.]

How's the roommate situation going? Have you come up with any ideas?

I've gotten tons of suggestions from therapist and from you guys, but I really don't think I can implement them.

I'm definitely stealing the advice regarding conciliatory confrontation tactics!

Having a roommate must be hell sometimes.

Oh boy is it. >:( I hate her. Not her as a person, but I hate having her as a roommate. I'm definitely going to try and get a single next year.

I think it's really hit or miss. I've had (I think) 12 roommates since I was 17. I've had some great and some really really horrible. But since I had to go through assertiveness training, I think things have gone better for me. It could be that roommate now is just a good roommate (she is!), or that I'm more clear about what is "livable" for me and what I want.

The worst part though? I'm still not assertive enough to tell people when they mispronounce name ): In due time I guess (: It's definitely not an easy process and takes practice!

I'll correct people if they say name wrong, but other than that, I'm too afraid to really confront anyone. I've had two roommates this year and I miss the first one, she was so much easier to live with... Mainly because she was never around. But she was extremely disorganized. This one is a little more tidy but she's around all the time... I just think that I'm a person that can't handle roommates.

Ah… I remembered 1st roommate in the dorms… I NEVER had a roommate before. Why… oh why did she bring a guy she just met from the internet in to our room??? (He even slept there too!!!!)
[color=FF0080]Oh gosh! roommate did that too!! Worst part is the fact that they kept me awake until 3AM and then woke me up twenty minutes later by having . Most awkward night of life... Most awkward next morning as well. Looong story with this whole ordeal.) [/color]
Few days later brought alcohol (We were only 18… legal age is 21) Ahhh… Terrible!
(Nokie was a passive girl who wouldn’t speak up for herself at the time….) So, it was 6 weeks of living HELL…. If I would have spoken up at the time, things would have been better and I wouldn’t have to be tortured…
Yeah, 6 weeks I've lived with her have made me so frustrated and uncomfortable and not to mention depressed. (Living with a pretty girl will do that to you.

After that… I had great roommates and I did confronted them at times… Nowadays.. I speak up all the time… even too much sometimes.. hehehe
I don't think I'll ever be able to speak up. . . Oh well...

Sometimes roommate situations can affect your school work due to useless stress!

The advices above are good…!!!!

Luckily only roommate throughout university has been husband, and he's really respectful of space and "study rituals"/procrastination tactics! Hopefully Jena can bring out the big guns and be assertive. How's it going Jena?

Life sucks majorly right now. I've been extremely depressed, I've relapsed to old habits twice, I've been crying a lot, period was 18 days late because of stress and anxiety. There's a lot going on and I've been trying best to eat well and exercise, but it's not cutting it, I'm getting frustrated with myself, I'm having sleeping issues, I haven't had a chance to actually log diet or exercise in a long while and I've just had no motivation to come on here and reply or anything up until tonight. I'm having a really hard time right now and I'm freaking out because I don't know what to do, I have no one to turn to for a hug and an "It'll be okay" and I feel like I'm going back to a past I never wanted to see again. Also, no Jena will not be pulling out the big guns because Jena doesn't have them. Also, you're extremely lucky with your "roommate". Mine is making life hell, emotionally and mentally and physically as well I guess. I just don't know what to do. I have a therapist now that I go to on Saturdays and I feel like a freaking idiot for saying so, but I'm too afraid to even tell her what's going on in life. I stick to telling her about the past, not the present. UGH. Life is hell and I'm feeling ways that I haven't felt in a long time and it's scaring me. Namely, I've been feeling suicidal again. :'( :'(

[MissJenaKay]

I'm going to try to log today, I can't make any guarantees though.

9:11 Wake up

9:25 (Not the greatest, but I ran out of Chobani and haven't had time to walk to the store.)
-- 1 c KASHI Go Lean Crunch! [[Cal 190, Fat 3, Carbs 37 - Fibre 8 Sugar 13, Protein 9]]
-- 1/2 c Fat Free Milk [[Cal 90, Fat 0, Carbs 12 - Fibre 0 Sugar 12, Protein 8]]
-- Small handful almonds [[Don't know]]

12:30 (Crappy Meal)
-- Turkey Burger [[Don't know]]
-- Fries [[Don't know]]
-- 16 fl oz Naked Green Machine [[Forgot to save the label]]

5:15
-- 1/2 Burrito Bowl :: Chicken, Rice, Black Beans, Corn, Sauteed Peppers and Onions, Cheese, Sour cream [[Don't know]]
-- 1 bottle Lipton Green Tea, Citrus [[Cal 80, Fat 0, Carbs 53 - Fibre 0 Sugar 53, Protein 0]] O__O Never getting again if it isn't the diet kind.

7:10
-- 1 string cheese [[Cal 60, Fat 2.5, Carbs 1 - Fibre 0 Sugar 0, Protein 8]]
-- 6 slices turkey [[Cal 45, Fat .5, Carbs <1 - Fibre 0 Sugar 0, Protein 8]]
-- 1/2 bottle Naked Reduced Calorie Peach Guava [[Cal 100, Fat 0, Carbs 25 - Fibre 0 Sugar 20, Protein 1]]

10:10
-- 1 c KASHI Go Lean Crunch! [[Cal 190, Fat 3, Carbs 37 - Fibre 8 Sugar 13, Protein 9]]
-- 1/2 c Fat Free Milk [[Cal 90, Fat 0, Carbs 12 - Fibre 0 Sugar 12, Protein 8]]
-- Small handful almonds [[Don't know]]

TOTALS (known)
Calories :: 845
Fat :: 9g
Carbs :: 177g
Fiber :: 16g
Sugar :: 123g (quite high)
Protein :: 51g (too low)

[Athene]

Jena I know it's not the same, but I'm sending BIG-hug-vibes your way.

I'm so sorry about your current situation, I don't think I could deal with living with a stranger - I know you know her, but it equates to the same thing for me. I think some people need privacy more than others, and some people are more introverted than others, which makes group/pair living situations really tough to handle mentally, and of course has the trickle-down effect of wreaking physical and emotional chaos. If you can't recharge your batteries and relax in your private space, when the heck can you do it? And what are the consequences of not being able to do it? Unfortunately you're seeing the effects of that right now and it just sucks. Is there any way that you can make your personal space in the dorm a bit more private, like with a room divider or something? And is there any way that you could take schoolwork to a quiet corner of a library or to a cafe to relax and just be alone with your thoughts? I know it's always easy to make suggestions like this but that it's really hard actually living the situation.

You say that you don't have the big guns - that was a poor choice of words on part. What about baby steps? In experience really small steps can lead to big changes. Achieving results in a slower, but meaningful, way can alleviate a lot of stress and make you feel like you have some control back again. What tiny changes can you make that might make you feel better in the short term?