Jena's Journal.

[fit-fanatic-2025]

Jena i hope things start looking up for you. I don't envy you with your current roomate situation. I think you should defintiely confide in your therapist if you trust her and like her. That's what she is there for.

And you do have us as well!

[MissJenaKay]

Jena I know it's not the same, but I'm sending BIG-hug-vibes your way.

I'm so sorry about your current situation, I don't think I could deal with living with a stranger - I know you know her, but it equates to the same thing for me. I think some people need privacy more than others, and some people are more introverted than others, which makes group/pair living situations really tough to handle mentally, and of course has the trickle-down effect of wreaking physical and emotional chaos. If you can't recharge your batteries and relax in your private space, when the heck can you do it? And what are the consequences of not being able to do it? Unfortunately you're seeing the effects of that right now and it just sucks. Is there any way that you can make your personal space in the dorm a bit more private, like with a room divider or something? And is there any way that you could take schoolwork to a quiet corner of a library or to a cafe to relax and just be alone with your thoughts? I know it's always easy to make suggestions like this but that it's really hard actually living the situation.

You say that you don't have the big guns - that was a poor choice of words on part. What about baby steps? In experience really small steps can lead to big changes. Achieving results in a slower, but meaningful, way can alleviate a lot of stress and make you feel like you have some control back again. What tiny changes can you make that might make you feel better in the short term?

Thanks, Athene, I would go to the library, but there's a couple things wrong with that. A) the library on campus is usually really busy, B) The smell in there puts me off, normally libraries smell of books which makes me happy, but our library smells like a doctors office (I have a huge fear of doctors, so... yeah, bad connections). The student center, where we get our food is always packed and loud and every room has a TV in it and I dislike TV noise... Also, schoolwork often calls for me to have a bunch of art supplies and such that 'd rather not carry around with me. Our room is also not big enough for a room divider. It's probably only about 10 feet wide, but it's long, we only have about 4 foot of space between our beds. I have nowhere to have me time since Mollie moved in, she's always around...

I've had sucicidal thoughts too before. I think its probably more common than people realize.

Jena i hope things start looking up for you. I don't envy you with your current roomate situation. I think you should defintiely confide in your therapist if you trust her and like her. That's what she is there for.

And you do have us as well!

The thing is, I've acted on them before, that's what I'm afraid of.
I hope things start to smooth out as well. I can't live like this the rest of the year...
problem is I don't want to talk about the now with therapist, I don't trust her enough. I don't feel safe enough to divulge everything. I only tell people pieces of things.


Thanks for being awesome, you guys!

[fit-fanatic-2025]

Living with anyone is hard. Even people that you care for you get on each other's nerves let alone a person you don't know very well. Is it possible you can switch to a single this semester?

i think your awesome that you can have all these personal issues and your still able to do so well in school! So awesome kudos right back at you!

[MissJenaKay]

Living with anyone is hard. Even people that you care for you get on each other's nerves let alone a person you don't know very well. Is it possible you can switch to a single this semester?

i think your awesome that you can have all these personal issues and your still able to do so well in school! So awesome kudos right back at you!

It's impossible. I can't afford it with the loans I have this year. I have to wait until next year. D: And even then it's not guaranteed.

schooling is the most important thing in life. I make sure that I do well. I'm hold myself to VERY high standards with school work.

[MissJenaKay]

Today was a late start, including roommate having to run out the door because she woke up 20 minutes before class.

9:20 Wake Up

9:23
-- 6 oz Chobani Greek Yogurt (Strawberry) [[Cal 140, Fat 0, Carbs 20 - Fiber 1 Sugar 19, Protein 14]]
-- 3 oz Baby Carrot [[Cal 35, Fat 0, Carbs 18 - Fibre 2 Sugar 5, Protein 1]]

10:20
-- 8 fl oz Rice Dream Vanilla [[Cal 130, Fat 2.5, Carbs 27 - Fibre 0 Sugar 12, Protein 1]]

1:04
-- 1 Burrito Bowl :: Steak, Rice, Black Beans, Corn, Sauteed Peppers and Onions, Cheese, Sour Cream [[Don't Know]]
-- About 4 swallows Unsweetened Tea mixed with Lemonade [[Don't Know]]

4:30
-- Turkey Burger w bun
-- Fries (yeah, I know )
-- 8 fl oz Naked Reduced Calorie Peach Guava [[Cal 100, Fat 0, Carbs 25 - Fibre 0 Sugar 20, Protein 1]]

8:12
-- Don't remember....

[MissJenaKay]

Today's not day. When I went to the gym today, I weighed myself and I've either gained weight or the scale is off because I have managed to put on about 4 pounds supposedly. I also had an awkward moment today doing laundry. Since I don't like people seeing clothes not no body because I feel like clothes look a lot bigger than I am, I do laundry on Tuesday or Thursday mornings right after I get back from the gym when no one is in the Laundry room. Today, I was folding clothes from the dryer to put in bag to carry back upstairs to room and this teeny tiny twig of a girl came in. Once I saw her and noticed she was looking at me, I just kinda shoved the rest of the clothes in the bag so I could leave. Is that normal? I feel like it was a dumb thing to do, I should have just kept folding laundry and not cared, shouldn't I? I mean, it's not like I was fooling her into thinking I'm thin by not letting her see me folding clothes. Whatever. I just really need to kick issues. Oh and on top of that, I was folding wet jeans because I managed to dry the clothes of the person who had already dry clothes in the dryer above mine. And I was too stubborn and short on time to dry them again, so once I got back up to room, I hung them in closet to dry. Lol.

8:30 Wake Up

8:32 (Would have had normal number of carrots, but I just wasn't feeling like eating this morning...)
-- 3 baby carrots (about 1 .5 oz I managed to find the hugest baby carrots ever. Lol.) [[Cal 17.5, Fat 0, Carbs 9 - Fibre 1 Sugar 2.5, Protein .5]]
-- 6 oz Chobani Greek Yogurt Vanilla [[Cal 120, Fat 0, Carbs 13 - Fiber 0 Sugar 12, Protein 16]]

9:25 Workout
-- 15 minutes on treadmill with 2 min @ 3mph and 1 min @ 6 mph in intervals
-- 30 minutes on bike with avg heart rate around 153 and I biked about 7 miles (had a mini in--head competition with the guy that got on next to me to see who could stay on longer and I won.)
I also learned today that some boys sweat scarily. The guy on the bike next to me kept his RPMs around 103 and I did the same, he was drenched and dripping and I was a little grossed out at the fact he was managing to make the carpet so wet spots.

10:39
-- Burrito Bowl :: Chicken, Corn, Rice, Black Beans, Sauteed Peppers and Onions, Cheese, Sour Cream
-- 8 fl oz Vanilla Rice Milk [[Cal 130, Fat 2.5, Carbs 27 - Fibre 0 Sugar 12, Protein 1]]
-- 1 scoop whey protein [[Cal 130, Fat 2.5, Carbs 3 - Fibre 1 Sugar 1, Protein 23]]

1:20
-- 1 string cheese [[Cal 60, Fat 2.5, Carbs 1 - Fibre 0 Sugar 0, Protein 8]]
-- 6 slices turkey [[Cal 45, Fat .5, Carbs <1 - Fibre 0 Sugar 0, Protein 8]]

5:05
-- 1.5 c Cheddar Broccoli Soup
-- 1 small dinner roll
-- 10 oz Lemonade mixed with tea

8:13
-- Salad :: Spring Mix greens, chicken, apple, bleu cheese crumbles, walnuts, dried cranberries, vinaigrette dressing.
-- Lifesaver Gummies (Yeah, crappy for me. Lots of sugar, not putting the info on this cause it was a bad idea, I know it was and I don't want to display mess up. )

[Boss Man]

Basically just suck it up. You were folding clothes. It doesn't matter what size or shape they were, they're your clothes, and you know deep down that you want to be someone that doesn't wear clothes that size anymore, but if someone makes you feel bad for having to right now, it's their problem not yours.

Plus leaving like that, might have looked to them like a false assumption of their personality, if they were not a negative type of person, which could have reflected badly on you, or given them reasons to feel negatively about you, when they may not have felt negatively in the first place.

You are human though which is a good thing, but don't let it become a negative, when it is a positive okay .

[MissJenaKay]

Basically just suck it up.
Huh?? Suck what up?

You were folding clothes. It doesn't matter what size or shape they were, they're your clothes, and you know deep down that you want to be someone that doesn't wear clothes that size anymore, but if someone makes you feel bad for having to right now, it's their problem not yours.

Plus leaving like that, might have looked to them like a false assumption of their personality, if they were not a negative type of person, which could have reflected badly on you, or given them reasons to feel negatively about you, when they may not have felt negatively in the first place.
I didn't think about that. I was so embarrassed to be seen folding clothes that I just thought about getting out of there.

You are human though which is a good thing, but don't let it become a negative, when it is a positive okay .
Okay, Boss.

[fit-fanatic-2025]

i think he means just to "go on" don't keep thinking about it. Come on you've never heard to suck it up before?

The weight gain may just be sodium depending on what you ate in the last couple days maybe? I'm just guessing. Good job on the bike!

[MissJenaKay]

i think he means just to "go on" don't keep thinking about it. Come on you've never heard to suck it up before?

The weight gain may just be sodium depending on what you ate in the last couple days maybe? I'm just guessing. Good job on the bike!

No, I know what suck it up is. I just wasn't sure what he was referring to. Either suck it up that I couldn't handle it or suck it up and don't feel that way. Lol. Or something else even. Lol.

I hope so, I had fries and pizza this past week, so it very well could be sodium.

Thanks! I usually hate biking unless it's a moving bike, but it wasn't to bad. I extremely happy that I'm not sore today. :]

[Boss Man]

Well far be it for me, to tell you what you can and can't suck

[MissJenaKay]

Well far be it for me, to tell you what you can and can't suck

Uhm. What? Also, why does that sound dirtier than it needed to be xD

[MissJenaKay]

9:10 Wake Up

9:21
-- 6 oz Chobani Greek Yogurt (Strawberry) [[Cal 140, Fat 0, Carbs 20 - Fiber 1 Sugar 19, Protein 14]]
-- 3 oz Baby Carrot [[Cal 35, Fat 0, Carbs 18 - Fibre 2 Sugar 5, Protein 1]]

11:00
-- 1 string cheese [[Cal 60, Fat 2.5, Carbs 1 - Fibre 0 Sugar 0, Protein 8]]
-- 4 slices turkey [[Cal 30, Fat .3, Carbs <.6 - Fibre 0 Sugar 0, Protein 5.3]]

1:04
-- 1 Salad :: Spinach, Chicken, Egg, Sunflower Seeds, Dried Cranberries, Carrot, Garbanzo Beans

5:40 (Took friend out on a date and we had pizza. I paid)
-- 1 slice of cheese pizza
-- 1/2 slice cheese cake
-- 1.5 glasses of lemonade

[Boss Man]

Well far be it for me, to tell you what you can and can't suck

Uhm. What? Also, why does that sound dirtier than it needed to be xD

Sorry, but I can't be held responsible for what you choose to think, about seemingly innocent responses

[MissJenaKay]

Well far be it for me, to tell you what you can and can't suck

Uhm. What? Also, why does that sound dirtier than it needed to be xD

Sorry, but I can't be held responsible for what you choose to think, about seemingly innocent responses

Bahahahaha. I blame having nothing but guy friends.